Pajama Jeans

This morning I left the house pre-shower, no makeup, and capris despite not having shaved my legs in a few days. Of course, I was only going to Wal-mart, so there was no need to be concerned about my appearance or smell. My God, my CPT Fromage leaves me for 5 months and this is what I become…

I am happy to announce that I am now the proud owner of Pajama Jeans! (and also, that I have showered)

While I’m ashamed that I a) left the house like that, b) did so to go to Wal-mart or c) purchased $40 sleep pants that try to pass as denim, I gotta admit, these things rock my world. I’m pretty sure I’ll never buy another kind of pant ever again.

They ARE so comfortable you can wear them out or to sleep! They DO look just like real jeans! And they DON’T have uncomfortable and bulky zippers or buttons!

I know. Redneckedness is oozing from this post. This is how I roll. Pray that I don't fall to the temptation of a snuggie next...

Congratulations, CPT Fromage!

Everyone please send a Hooah! to the ‘stan, LT Fromage has been promoted to CPT Fromage! (Just kidding about the Hooah!, he doesn’t like those, he does however like dried fruit and peanuts…wink wink)

And that is the only noteworthy news I have. Except that the heat index is something sinful like 110* today, but who wants to talk about that?

Cheese Orgasm

That’s the only way I can describe today. For today only, calories don’t count, just remind me to tell the scale about this tomorrow. Hy-Vee just upgraded their cheese department and HOLY COW! I spent about 45 minutes sifting through wedges, looking for the perfect pieces to take home and try. This afternoon was spent lounging on the sofa with 6 different picks, which I had to share with our oldest cat, Garrett (who is also a cheese lover, he’s never turned down a sample, even eating blu and other pungent types!). Sadly, the goat’s milk gouda I bought was a bit of a letdown, as it was quite bitter. I’m not sure if that was the intended taste, or it’s gone a bit bad. I had a wonderful goat’s milk gouda in Denver last year, I can still taste it now… Best thing I’ve ever eaten! As I ate I poured over a book LT Fromage had sent to me last week, “Cheesemonger: A Life on the Wedge” by Goron Edgar (Who’s nickname, I love this, is “Gordonzola”! If I wasn’t already married… Just kidding. Sort of.) Awesome book! Thank you, LT Fromage!

Cheese and cows. Is there anything more one could want in life? Yes, country music.

(Front row for Eric Church at Country Stampede)

Although I could have done nothing else, I’ve been up to more than binging on cheese! Last weekend Country Stampede was back in town, which marks my 3^rd (and final! We won’t be in the Little Apple next summer) year attending. I didn’t make it out for the full 4 days this time around, but scored free tickets to the first and final days. I missed the Nitty Gritty Dirt band, but was able to see Eric Church, Sawyer Brown, Joey + Rory and Collin Raye. Eric Church was okay, but frankly reminded me more of a rock concert that country, and Joey + Rory were just alright. I like a fair amount of new country music, but my favorites will always be the artists I grew up listening to, so I was excited to see Collin Raye, and catch Sawyer Brown for a second time (they put on a great show, if you ever get the chance to see them, go!).

LT Fromage is missing out on good music and yummy cheese, among other things. I promise I’ll update what’s going on at some point, but right now everything is changing so often it feels pointless to even bother sharing. Although nothing is ever to be counted on in the Army, he is expecting to be told a return date in the next few weeks. I’ll believe it when I see it. Has it really been almost 5 months since he left? I hope the rest of this deployment goes as quickly!

How Much Longer 'til This Deployment is Over?

LT Fromage has been gone more than 4 months now. Sadly, he’s already lost a very good friend, among the soldiers he’s known that have been injured or given their lives.

When there is a death or injury, in order to make sure the families are the first to be notified, the soldiers are put on “blackout”, which means all forms of communication are cut off.

Blackouts suck. I hate not hearing from LT Fromage for days, and it’s heartbreaking to know why he hasn’t been able to get in touch. The first few times it happened, I was a wreck. I kept waiting for that car to pull up in my driveway, coming to tell me I’d lost my husband. Of course, that hasn’t happened (and I pray it never does), and as time goes on, I’ve learned to worry less.

Before you start hating on me, remember that letting go is really the only thing I can do. Being in a constant state of fear doesn’t help anybody, and it’s rather depressing. It’s a harsh reality that he may not come home, and we’ve had to make sure things are in order, should that fate be ours, but I have faith in his abilities and even more faith in God. It’s always in the back of my mind, but dwelling on it doesn’t make him any safer.

LT Fromage has been on blackout for days, and this morning I got an email with the subject “Casualty Notification”.

Of course I knew this would not be the chosen way to notify the family of such news, but I had never received an email like this, I didn't even want to imagine what it said. My heart stopped, the hairs on my arms stood up and tears welled in my eyes. I had never felt so afraid in my entire life.

It was not my husband. I don’t know why, for the first time, they sent out a mass email to the families of the unit, but they did. While I breathed easier knowing LT Fromage is fine, my heart hurts for those not as lucky.

I know one man with short hair and combat boots looks just like the next (or, they do to me), but each one is eveything to somebody. Now they are called “casualties”, but before that they were known as fathers, sons, husbands, brothers, wives, daughters, mothers and friends. Please keep our them in your thoughts and prayers (especially the family who is suffering right now).

Cows and Baseball

Cows and Baseball: Two of my favorite things!

This weekend, I took an impromptu trip to Omaha, Nebraska with my friend KP to watch the College World Series! She’s an Aggie, so we were sporting maroon. A&M lost the game, but we had a great time.

Don’t be too jealous of my awesome panoramic camera, ok?

We stopped at a gas station and there was a giant cow in the roof of the neighboring building! I have my picture with 2 other huge cow satues, and I wasn't about to pass this one up! (Pardon the Army gear. I don’t normally sport the paraphernalia, but it was my “8 hours in the car” shirt)

One last picture, from last weekend

A local dairy brought a few cows out to the coffee shop, so of course, I had to go love on ‘em a little bit!

We Are Thousandaires

LT Fromage is still in the ‘stan. So much for him coming home all sorts of early. As of right now, the window of return is somewhere between September and February. Not much beyond that is clear either. Which classes he’ll attend, where and when haven’t yet been assigned. We’re in limbo right now, which totally sucks.

The one and only good thing about deployment is the money. Yup, LT Fromage is my sugar daddy.

I am proud to announce that as of Monday, we have no more credit card debt!

Thanks to the deployment money, a few checks we weren’t really expecting to see, the pending sale of my truck, and some serious penny pinching, we’ve been able to bulk up our savings, and even allot some money for a vacation!

The Fromages will be traveling to… get ready…

Bali!

I’ve literally been dreaming of Bali since reading “Eat, Pray, Love”, so I am crazy excited to make it a reality! Sort of one last hoorah, since once LT Fromage starts his new job he’ll be deploying every 6 months and shortly thereafter, we’ll have kids. Traveling will never be impossible, but it’ll be harder the longer we wait.

I’ve only wanted a few things in life,

So far I’ve crossed off –

Travel to AZ for the Colorado Rockies spring training – March 2008
Get married – September 19, 2009
Travel to Italy – September 21, 2009

In the works -

Travel to Bali (late 2011 or early 2012)
Have kids (fingers crossed for a baby belly in 2012!)

Leaving only -

Eat at Dogmatic in New York (I could kick myself… I’ve been to NY twice, yet never eaten here!)
Drive a tank (For $500, I can do that here… 27^th birthday present? Perhaps!)

And my ultimate goal…

Own a Holstein named Sir Loin

Yep. I dream big.

Reentering the Blogosphere

Dang, I’m no good at this blogging thing as of late! Anyone still out there reading? Hello…?

Not that I owe anyone an excuse, but here it is anyway. Basically just been trying to get my life back on track for the last 3 weeks or so. I haven’t posted about it before, because it’s rather embarrassing, but I have pretty severe anxiety. Like, enough so that it’s the reason I left my job. For the last 9 months or so I’ve been more actively battling with it, seeing a psychologist and psychiatrist and taking every medication available. Long story short, nothing’s really worked and thanks to all those meds with weight gain side effects, I found myself no better off and 50 pounds heavier than when I started all this. Soooo… yeah…. Every post I drafted over the last month was basically “I hate my body, it’s covered with stretch marks and I’m so anxious I won’t leave the house unless there’s alcohol involved” So, I just didn’t post at all. There you go.

But here I am again, posting, so you know my story turns around….

LT Fromage sorta pulled me out of the hole I was in, did some research, ordered me a great book and I went to see a Cognitive Behaviorial Therapist. My old therapist’s approach was to find something to blame my anxiety on, not to fix it, whereas the CBT approach isn’t “talk therapy” it’s focused on learning to cope and change your way of thinking. I’m not crazy about the therapist, but the book has enough info and exeresis that I’m confident I can take this on without her help (Triumph Over Shyness, The Anxiety & Phobia Workbook and When Panic Attacks, in case anyone is wondering). I’m also getting off of all of the meds. I have about a week left in the “tapering off” stage, which makes me super happy. I didn’t want to take the drug route in the first place, so the dozen + pills I’ve been on made me kinda upset. I’m also PI$$ED about the 50 pounds! (Not that I have a problem with people taking meds for any reason, I just didn’t want them)

So yeah… Everything isn’t all better, but I feel like I’m on the upswing anyway. And, inspired by Busy Bee Lauren, I’ve started a raw food diet, which I’ll talk about some other time. Just hop on over to her blog if you’re wondering what that is. It’s supposed to A) Help your anxiety/depression and B) Help you lose weight… If it only brought husbands home from war, it would fix all of my problems! (I’ll save that for another day, too)

Dang. Long post, sorry. Just making up for the last month! :)

TGI Monday!

Yes, I’m serious. Monday is the new Friday (at least for me!)

When LT Fromage is home, we spend the weekends sleeping in, eating enormous breakfasts and watching Netflix snuggled up on the sofa. Sometimes we go out or take the dogs to the park. Once in a while we’ll even make our way to Topeka or Kansas City.

But LT Fromage is still in the ‘stan (for now!), sooo, it’s silly to cook up a giant breakfast and I can’t handle both dogs at the park simultaneously. Home alone, my days sort of run together anyway; every day is a weekend for me now, except when it comes to going out…

Monday: ½ margaritas
Tuesday: ½ margaritas
Wednesday: $5 carafes of sangria
Thursday: $5 martinis*

*We're super classy, as you can see, ever see a martini with 5 straws? I didn't think so.

Friday and Saturday: No drink specials anywhere, crowded bars and no parking spots.

As you can see, with our husbands away (thus, not rising before the sun to see them off to PT), “girls night” has become a midweek activity and is no longer practiced on the weekends, making Monday the new Friday amongst my social circle.

Don’t judge. We’re not alcoholics, we’re bargin shoppers.

Thanks, Mom

I know Mother’s Day is still a few days away, but I’d like to take a moment to thank my mom, and so should you, because she’s responsible for Osama’s death.

Hear me out.

A week before she flew to Rome to visit my dad (who works out of the country), the Pope died.

She just left for Dubai to visit dad again. Just days before her departure: Osama: dead.

Coincidence? Or perhaps, when my mom travels, it causes the death of the most important figure in the country.

The Military will get the credit for this one, which is cool, but we all know it was thanks to mom and her ticket on Delta.

We’re contemplating of booking her a flight to Washington DC when she gets back… see what that does for us.

Even if she isn’t responsible for taking about Osama (and frankly, we weren’t thrilled about the Pope….), she’s still a freakin’ awesome mom, and you can check out her blog here. (This is one of my favorite posts)

Happy Mother’s Day to all you moms out there (even though mine will always be the best!)

(I could have used a more recent picture, but I'm quite fond of this one. She's the one with her finger up her nose. Mom, you rock!)

Good Things Come In 3s

Right? Isn’t that how it goes? Everything in 3s? I hope so because so far we have…

1. LT Fromage’s acceptance notice *

2. Some other really good news with a potentially freakin’ awesome outcome… but I’m not at liberty to talk about it. Soo…. Just know that we’re uber excited about something else around here!

3. And 3? Well, we’ll see!

Honestly, I’m so excited about items 1 and 2 I don’t even care what 3 is. I’m also so excited I’m having a hard time composing a coherent post. Bear with me.

* In addition to LT Fromage landing his dream job, he also gets to come home early from deployment to start his training. When I say early, I mean in a few months – long before he was even due home for mid-tour leave!

Talk about MEGA NEWS! I wasn’t expecting this man home until at least September, and that would be for a mere 2 weeks! I’m like a kid at Christmas, folks. Seriously, I’m giddy. And I’ve never used that word before.

Of course, LT Fromage’s early return is a little of a trade-off. On the plus side: This 12-month deployment just got a hellavuh lot shorter, but on the downside: It means that in just a few months I’ll be leaving behind The Little Apple and all my friends here. We’ll also be leaving the dogs for an extended visit with their gramma, as we won’t be able to take them with us initially.

(Let me just say, I have the coolest mamma eva to take our 200lbs of dogs for the next 5-8 months. Thanks, mom! You rock my world!)

Finally, and possibly most importantly, we’ll be moving away from my Thia place. I warned LT Fromage that when the time came to choose Him or the Thai place, I wasn’t sure what I’d do. But he won out (He knew he would!)

So… yeah. Waiting for Good Thing Number 3 to come my way!

Uh-Mazing News!

I haven’t posted in a few days. I’ve been in a funk and while my mom and LT Fromage had to deal with me being a crying mess, they are family, they are obligated, but I spared you, my blog readers, to my mood. You can thank me later.

But guess what….

I’m hesitant to say this is the best day of my life, because getting married was a pretty big deal, but I am super-duper happy to announce that LT Fromage was accepted for his branch transfer! He finally got the news via email, which included this exciting tidbit as well: He may be pulled from deployment early to start training! We still don’t have a lot of solid information yet; things like dates, duty stations, etc, are still undecided or announced, but just the fact that he was accepted is thrilling.

The only downside is that there’s now a 50/50 chance we’ll end up at Fort Hood, TX. One of the few posts we agreed we would never, ever want to end up (And when he originally applied for this transfer, Hood wasn’t even on the table). But frankly, at this point, I don’t even care. LT Fromage will be doing the job he wants, and the time-line couldn’t be better as we plan our future and our family. Anyway, I hear that Texas loves cows, so if we do end up there, I should fit right in *grin*.

Also I had a delicious brownie sundae with the girls at lunch today. So yeah, good day all in all.

Happy Birthday, LT Fromage!

Well, we’re still waiting for that email. Word on the street is we’ll hear something next week. Maybe this is just God’s way of teaching me patience. If it is: I’m failing.

In news that is official and exciting, and most importantly, on time: It’s LT Fromage’s birthday! He’s finally joined me in the 25-34 age bracket and can no longer refer to me as “old” (For a few more weeks anyway). Happy birthday, baby!

And because I have nothing else to say, and it’s Friday and time to party, I’ll just go ahead and end this post with a youtube video. This is my kick-@$$ brother rockin’ the dance floor at my sister’s wedding. Go ahead, watch it, you’ll love it!

Patience... And also brownies.

Mmmkay. So if you read my post about LT Fromage’s request for a job transfer, you know that we’ve been waiting for a simple email. “Congratulations, you’ve been accepted” or “We regret to inform you”

(Remember, this is so much more than just a job transfer. This is like, HUGE. That’s what she said!)

The thing is we originally should have known one way or the other about a month ago. Then, we had an official notification date of April 24^th, which then became the 26^th. Today is now the 28^th and we still haven’t heard a peep.

The thing is I wouldn’t be so upset except for the fact that SOMEONE ACTUALLY KNOWS THE DECESION AND JUST HASN’T PUBLISHED IT YET.

Did you notice I was screaming there? Forgive me, but I haven’t slept in 4 nights now because I’m lying right by my laptop and getting up EVERY FREAKIN’ TIME I GET A MESSAGE hoping it’s the one with the decision.

So far, no emails from the Army but I have gotten a lot of messages about “Hot Asian Singles” in my area. Unless they know whether or not my husband has word on a potentially life changing decision, I’m not interested.

I took a home pregnancy test once and it was like, the longest 3 minutes (or whatever it was) of my life. That is, until now. It’s kind of like I peed on the stick in October and I’m still waiting for the results.

Oh yeah, and I really want a brownie.

So I’ll just be waiting here, tired, and with no dessert.

If you haven’t noticed: Patience is not a virtue I possess. But I do have a mega sweet tooth.

The Ultimate Trifecta

Well yesterday, I finally did it! Indian food for lunch (albeit from the frozen food aisle), green curry and a Diet Pepsi (Not even the generic brand!) for supper and Orange Leaf froyo for dessert! Then, I got to sit back and watch Big Love and bask in the awesomeness.

That is all.

Deployment Sucks

We’re finally more than 2 months in. Is that it? It feels like a lot longer. I’ve decided there must be a slump somewhere around 9 weeks, because I’ve sure hit one. It seems like reality has finally set it (“Wow… It’s Easter and I’m alone” or “Yikes, he spent the day sorting photos of casualties.”) Oddly, I’ve spend more time in tears the last week or so than I did when he left.

But, what do you do? There are two options: Get through it, or die. And I’m still kickin’, albeit just barely some days.

For those of you following: We’re (surprise!) still waiting to hear about LT Fromage’s transfer.

Lessons I’ve Learned About The Army: Don’t ever count on anything. Ever. Not even “official release dates” for information.

On a lighter note, I took and passed my concealed carry class. The instructor, who’s had more than 200 students, told me after my live fire portion, “Well, I won’t say you’re the very best I’ve ever seen… but I’d put you in the top 25.” NBD.

Intruders beware: The husband may be away, but it’s the wife you really need to be worried about.

Nap Time

Still no word from the Army about the transfer. (see my last post) Should have guessed it wouldn't be on time anyway!

A lot of my friends have kids, which is cool. I like kids, I think they have such cute little clothes, I love their little smiles and sounds and it’s fun watching them grow up and learn new things (Like little baby “Riley” who can now sit up! Too freakin’ cute!). But, as you should know by now, this is not a mommy-blog, due primarily to the fact that I am not a mommy, so I would have even less to write about than I do now.

Things I’ve learned about babies:
-Some of them like to eat paper (not naming any names here, but… cough cough, Riley.)
-Weight gain and loss is a big deal and needs to be monitored. Like, a bigger deal than it is for dieting women. While I’d love to lose weight, it’s not cool when kiddos do it.
-Whichever child I’m with at the time is decidedly the “best age”. In truth: Babies are just freakin’ cute at every age.
-Babies have nap schedules.

I don’t have to (get to) buy cute baby outfits. I’m not worried about which formula has the most calories and I’m still not sure at what age those cuties start teething or talking, but the nap thing, that I can understand. I too, am on a nap schedule.

Yes. This is the most interesting thing I have to blog about today. Stop here if you’d like.

My doctor prescribed yet another new Rx (This makes about 2 dozen in the last 6 months) which is not intended to treat an inability to sleep, but apparently, this is a side effect (along with weight gain, which I’ve also experienced. Hip-hip-freakin’-hooray). I wish I could say how long I’ve been on this particular prescription, but frankly, my days are all blurred together because I’m sleeping for most of them. If I had to guess, I’d say it’s been about 10 days.

Until the “sleepy” side effect wears off (ok, and we’re not talking yawning here, this is like, falling over sleeping ), I am a childless adult who cannot leave the house between 11 and 1, and then again from 3-7 due to nap times. Then I get to take an Ambien to sleep at night because after all those naps, who needs to sleep at night?

Yup. Totally just blogged about my sleep schedule…

Real World: Fort Riley

Pretend with me for a moment that LT Fromage worked in the “real world”. My post would go something like this:

The hubster has applied for a job transfer. It would entail staying
within the same company, but doing something else for them. He put in his
application and the board of executives has met. Now we’re waiting to see if
he’s been hired.

Well, that was fun. Back to what’s actually OUR “real world”, Military Style.

Some months ago, LT Fromage filled out enough paperwork to purchase a small country ago and since submitting it, the military has contacted and interviewed all of our friends, family and neighbors and verified every detail of my husband’s 25 years walking the earth (“Ehem, Sir, we need someone who can verify that you lived in A HOTEL FOR TRAINING FOR 4 WEEKS THREE YEARS AGO. “ True story.)

Since submitting his packet, he’s had to send in multiple amendments, have a photo taken twice and provide glowing letters of recommendation. The board, who was supposed to meet in January, has finally met and will (fingers crossed here) announce their decision in 48 hours.

While it doesn’t sound like a big deal, we’ve got kind of a lot riding on the news we’ll get the day after tomorrow. When it boils down to it, it may dictate whether LT Fromage makes a career out of the Army. Yep, we’re on pins and needles here in the Fromage house (and the Fromage tent, there in the ‘stan). Keep your fingers crossed for us if you will!

Oh yeah, you want to know something else cool about the real world that we don’t get to enjoy in Military Land? In the real world, if you work, you get paid. In the Army, not so much sometimes. (Can I tell you how relieved I am the government balanced it’s checkbook by payday? 'Cause you send my hubster to a war zone, you effin' better pay him for it!)

You And Me Baby Ain’t Nothing But Mammals

(not my photo... it is likley that there was in fact, a bridal keg stand earlier in the evening)

A few things:

1. I’ve been stood up for girl-dates twice in one week. Which basically sucks.

2. I’ve also been asked to dance twice, at the only 2 bars I’ve been to. Which hasn’t happened, erm, ever. (Flattering though!)

3. Where I’m going with this post: I am too old for house parties.

I suppose I’d never actually been to a “house party”. I guess when I thought of the term, it brought to mind situations where very few in the group were actually old enough to buy alcohol, thus bought lots of cheap canned beer and invited all of their under-age friends over to listen to music and drink crappy booze.

Last weekend, after I got stood up... the second time... (Please note: I waited 2 freakin’ hours for this girl, who then cast me as the bee-ach when I asked if she wanted to hang out or just cancel. Real cool, but whateves) Vagina Girl invited me out to a house party to cheer me up.

Things wrong with this scenario:

1. My friend is blog-named Vagina Girl. And she earned this tittle.

2. Vagina Girl and I have both been able to purchase alcohol for some time, thus should never have to find ourselves in a situation where there is canned beer and mixed drinks in slurpee cups.

3. Vagina Girl and I both wore hooded sweaters…. (erm… “hoodies”. Sorry. LT Fromage and mom have been trying to teach me the proper term for some time now. Hoodies. Not hooded sweaters. Anyway….) We were very under dressed because there was a girl there in, I kid you not, her Wedding Gown.

Apparently, The Bride had just come from, surprise!, her wedding. The groom was there too, along with some of the attendants. (Note: This was NOT a reception. It was, in fact, a mere house party) Want to know where they got married just hours before? A bar. Yes. So I guess going from the reception to a house party wasn’t too weird for them. It was weird for me though. I’m not sure I’ll ever forget the image of a done-up, brand new bride chugging a can of Bud Light in a koozy while we danced to favorites like “Ain’t Nothing But Mammals” (You know the song… “So let’s do it like they do on the discovery channel”) in someone’s crappy living room plastered with posters of varieties of Shots and sex positions.

Vagina Girl and I sat in folding chairs at the beer pong table in the kitchen, made that face, you know, the one that says “What the F#(K are we doing here?” and said our goodbys to the guests, including the now-quite-drunk-on-cheap-beer happy couple. We thought about watching a movie after we left, but as it was close to midnight, it was far past both of our bedtimes.

26 years old is less than 8 weeks away, no more house parties for me. I think I’ll stick to my knitting and Game Show Network from now on. Let’s admit though, that it makes for much better fodder than my latest Angry Birds high score.

Date 1: Vagina Girl

Yes, Vagina Girl. I’ll explain shortly.

Vagina Girl and I decided to meet up and watch Red Riding Hood, a movie we both wanted to see. The day of our “date” I checked, and wouldn’t you know it, out theater had stopped running the movie. I texted Vagina Girl to see if she wanted to see something else, maybe get supper instead, go out for drinks… She never replied, which hurt my feelings, because, frankly, everything hurts my feelings.

About a half hour before we were supposed to meet at the theater and I still hadn’t heard from her, so I decided to salvage my night and go hang out with my bestie and some of her friends. On my way over, Vagina Girl texted me to say sorry, she left her phone at home and we should grab dinner and drinks instead of a movie. I hung out with my bestie for a while, and then Vagina Girl and I met for dinner at the place her boyfriend works. We had a good time, talking about our guys, hobbies, music, movies… We left dinner and went for drinks where the conversation turned to ex-lovers, which is always a fun topic because, c’mon, who doesn’t like to bash their lousy boyfriends, right? (The difference between girl dating and boy dating: Not ok to talk about exes on a boy date, perfectly good conversation on a girl date)

As we all know, too much alcohol leads to TMI, where I learned that Vagina Girl has her, uhm, girly parts, posted on an adult website, and IS OFTEN RECOGNIZED IN PUBLIC. Yes. True story. I wasn’t sure what to say to that, because that was not a something we shared. When she said, “I love Garth Brooks” I was able to enthusiastically say, “Me too!”. When she said, “I’ve had people say, aren’t you Vagina Girl? I thought I recognized your va-jay-jay” I had no response. What was I supposed to say? “Cool”? or “You must have very memorable lady bits”? I stuck with, “Uh wow. That’s awkward.”

I didn’t drink enough alcohol to have a look at Vagina Girl’s bits and pieces, so I can't attest to their memorability, but Vagina Girl is a pretty cool girl, at least the parts of her I've seen....

The Dating Game

I’m an introvert, always have been and prolly always will be. Before LT Fromage came along, I had my own little routine and kept to it, my social life was minimal and I liked it that way. Then, a certain someone stole my heart and my keep-to-myself time stretched to allow a handsome man in. Nowadays, I have my wonderful husband, my close-knit family and a small handful of girlfriends (Even though it took me almost a year from the time we met to start hanging out with my bestie one-on-one!).

Know what’s weird? I thought, being the introvert I am, I thought I’d get along just fine for 12, what some would call lonely, months. Boy, was I wrong. Thank God for my girlfriends, who help keep me busy, and my wonderful mom is always just a phone call away, but it’s just not the same. It’s a strage conundrum, being a lonely introvert. Frankly, I just don’t understand it either, but that’s my story.

As wonderful as my girlfriends are, they do have lives of their own. School. Work. Kids. Hey, they can’t always be there. So what have I done for companionship in the down times? Considered a puppy. Nope. 3 dogs is just too many. Going back to work? Not a chance, I’ve still got a lot of taking-care-of-me to do first. Inviting my childhood imaginary friend, a horse named Acoron, back into the picture? No beuno, he’s much too quiet.

The final decision? "Girl dating". The more the merrier. Friends of friends, friends of friends of friends, nearly random girls with whom I initially have nothing more in common with than a shared taste for margaritas. The pool is big, I just have to jump in there and see who I can find.

It’s been a while since I’ve had to meet people on my own, most of my friends are due to LT Fromage and his married buddies. Oh, how I miss the days of grade school, when you were instantly friends with everyone your age, and there were so many of them. You had everything in common and it was all so… easy. Now I’m having to put myself out there. What if she doesn’t like me because I’m too shy? What if I don’t like her because she’s too pushy? What if we do like each other, can I call her? Will I look clingy? What if she doesn’t call me? Oh, my, how do all of you naturally social people do it!?

So, for lack of anything else to post about (because do you really want to hear that I swept up 2 dust pans of dog fur today? Ew. I didn’t think so), I’ll keep you posted on my “dating” life. Stay tuned!

Reentering the Blogosphere

Wow. It’s been a while *embarrassed smile*. Yes, I’m still here and doing fine. In fact, so fine I hardly have time to blog! Who would have thought that with LT Fromage away and quitting my job I’d stay so busy? But somehow, I’m busier now than I was when I worked full time and had a husband at home. Hm.

What’s going on in the Fromage household? Well…

We successfully rehomed all of the extra rodents! Well, to be more exact, one died (so sad, she was my favorite) and we ended up keeping 3 that I got too attached to. At any rate, we’re down to 4 mice and 10 rats, which is our maximum capacity (or maybe even a little over the limit…!). All of the other pets are doing well, and more importantly, not procreating.

Lots of girls nights, lunch dates and outings with my Non-Sucky Army Wife Friends. (One of whom just found out her 6-month-old daughter may have leukemia, please keep them in your thoughts and prayers). My mom will be relieved of her duties of phone-friend in about 10 months, but until then she’s always around when I need to hear another person on the other end of the line. (Thanks, Mom!)

I’ve basically stopped cooking. What’s the point in buying groceries, preparing, making, and cleaning up after a meal for one when my favorite Thai restaurant is on speed dial? *A little embarrassed to admit they now know me by name when I call in…* I do miss my kitchen time and I’m looking forward to LT Fromage’s return when we go back to eating home cooked meals every day (among other reasons!).

Lucky me, I’ve been able to talk to LT Fromage via facebook, Skype or the good old telephone nearly every day. Sometimes, for so long we sort of run out of things to talk about! Which is much better than what we anticipated as far as communication goes. (For those wondering, he’s doing well, er, as well as can be expected fighting for our freedom. Please continue to keep him in your thoughts and prayers) We’re about a sixth of the way through and going strong!

Thanks for the thoughts and concerns, and especially for continuing to check in even when I'm not posting! Y'all are the best *big internet hug to all my readers*

Something in the Water?

There must be something going around because now instead of just one unplanned litter of rodents, we have 3 litters and one more on the way, bringing our current rat/mouse tally to a whopping 40. Yes. 40.

It’s as if every time I enter my office, my once place of solitude, someone else is nursing new babies. Thank God Petco already took back “Bianca” who turned out to be “Brian” and they’ll soon be receiving all of his offspring (the moment they’re weaned). Homes are being lined up for some of the 22 baby rats and I’m fairly confident that we have now separated our sexes. God, I hope so.

Apologies for the lack of funny/snarky/embarrassing posts as of late; I’m still adjusting to being geographically single. Which, for those of you who haven’t done it, means random breakdowns (usually somewhere inconvenient, like the grocery store, where you realize I’m only shopping for one now), crying at all the wrong times and showering becomes the most monumental thing I accomplish some days. Sounds fun, right? On the bright side, I don’t have to shave my legs if I don’t feel like it and cheese and crackers can constitute a meal if I don’t want to cook, so there are some perks. Plus “deployed LT Fromage” (There is a regular and deployed version of every Military husband) is even more thoughtful than usual (and he was already so sweet he could make your teeth hurt), so I’ve been getting romantic cards in the mail, flowers delivered and heartfelt messages on my facebook wall every time I log on. Best of all, with the man around the house gone, I know I won’t catch this baby bug that seems to have hit all the other female residents of the Fromage Palace!

Only… Eff. I don’t even want to think about how much more we have left to go on this deployment. Thank God for girls’ nights and tequila in the meantime.

Congratulations to....

Mrs. Fowler, from The Fowlers! Congratulations on winning the travel mug! :) Enjoy your red chai! (Sounds yummy!)

Remember...

Today is the last day to enter the giveaway! Be sure to leave a comment here before tomorrow when the winner is announced!

I'm going to end up on Hoarders....

I won’t go so far as to say the “single life” suits me, but I’m setting in. Although we didn’t appreciate it at the time, LT Fromage and I have done more than our share of the long distance thing, and what we learned then is paying off now.

Know what I’ve been staying busy with? Lots and lots of rats. 30 rats, to be exact.

Yes. 30.

Two of our “boys” developed babies instead of balls. Lesson learned: Use google to sex your own rats, never trust the pet store employees. Ever.

Out of character, it was I who came to terms with the fact that some of our grandbabies may end up snake food (there are only so many people out there looking for pet rats, but no shortage of hungry reptiles). Not to be cold hearted, but everyone has to eat, and frankly, I don’t have enough names for all those kids.

No hate mail, please. You don’t have to worry, no one is going to end up snake food; LT Fromage shut that down faster than I could finish suggesting it. “Try to find them homes,” he said before he left, “but any you can’t, we’re keeping.” Easy for him to say, he’s not the one cleaning cages every 48 hours!

Maybe next month the giveaway prize will be a itty-bitty Fromage… just kidding…. Maybe….

*seriously, if you want one, I’m willing to travel to deliver them. The first 11 will be ready the first week of March and the next 11 about 4 weeks later.

**I already picked up next month’s goodie anyway. Be sure to keep an eye out for it!

***Be sure to enter this month’s giveaway before the 23^rd, you can leave your comment here!

And the Killer is....

LT Fromage is finally in the ‘stan. Please keep him and his boys in your thoughts and prayers.

Since my newfound “singleness” has ensued, I’ve been watching a lot of TV, Investigation Discovery to be precise. It’s amazing to me how detectives can find the smallest bits of trace evidence, a hair here, a bit of fiber there, and convict a killer.

They’d better not ever have to come to my house. All they’ll find is dog hair. Or cat hair. Or dust.

Seriously? Who’s house/car/clothes are so clean that a single finger print is useable? Uhm, not mine!

Tech Savvy

I did it. I bought an Iphone. Only because my best NSAW friend has one and can skype her deployed husband with one of her… apps. (Oh no, I said it… I’m becoming one of them!). Come to find out, where LT Fromage will be stationed we won’t be able to do that. D@MN. At least I can play Farmville from my phone now anyway.

I promise I’m not going to become a video blogger, but I do want to share this Best Buy commercial (you may have seen it if you watched the Super Bowl... which I didn't), because it’s hella funny and to be frank, even as the owner of a few bits of new technology (we also recently purchased a new camera and lap top! This deployment preparation is getting pricy!), I’m still not sure what exactly a G is…. Or a Beiber, for that matter ;-)

Enjoy!




(Hey, Best Buy, do I get any kind of, ehm, you know, hook up, for this advertising? Huh? Hook a girl up!)

Another Giveaway

Ladies, we all know it’s not shopping if you buy 10 items or less, and I found this neato-retro travel mug that says just that!

It’s so cute I thought I just might keep it for myself, but worry not, I’m giving it away!

All you have to do to enter is leave a comment on this post telling me what your favorite warm drink is!

(I’d fill it with hot “Awake” tea with vanilla creamer… but don’t worry, I won’t.)

You have until February 22nd to enter! I'll announce the winner on the 23rd!

Anti Love Letters

I know, I know, it’s Valentines day, the day of love and hearts and chocolate, but I thought I’d take a different approach, let my bitterness out and write some letters to those I don’t love…

Dear Fellow Drivers,

F you all. Use your blinkers, for God’s sake! Go the speed limit and pick one lane, you can’t just drive down the middle. I’m glad you seem to be out for a leisurely road trip, but some of us have places to be and you’re making us late. Go to H3LL (Except little old men. They are exempt)

Lots of love,

Lady Fromage

Dear People of Walmart,

True, Walmart is not the classiest place eva, but put on some real clothes and get off your phone. I don’t need to see your crack and hear all about your hookup while I’m buying eggs, kay? Also, this is not a playground, keep your freakin’ spawn under control.

Thanks.

Lady Fromage

To The Popular Kids in High School,

Ha! Maybe you were a big fish in a little pond then, but now you’re married to a guy named after an ice cream, had your wedding in horse SH!T and got fat. Me? I’m doing great and happy in my 4 bedroom house with my successful husband. Who’s the cool kid now, bee-aches?

Lots of love!

Lady Fromage

Get Ready For This...

The other night I finally watched the PBS special “POV – A Family Undertaking”

The title was uber confusing because “POV” lead me to believe this would be about personally owned vehicles, however in a non military world I suppose it could also stand for point of view. I also had no idea what this family would be undertaking. Turns out it was about DIY funerals and at home death. Right up my alley.

I’ve got a kind of weird fascination with death.

Anyway.

If you did everything the documentary depicted, you’d leave the body in your home for up to 4 days. They explained what to expect from the corpse (such as the jaw muscles loosening, causing the mouth to open, how to keep the eyes closed, etc). Then, you’d burry them (or cremate, as one family did), much discussion surrounded burial containers.

I’m not so sure LT Fromage, if left behind, would be down with keeping me around a few extra days. I’m ok with that, but I’m in love with the idea of bypassing the formaldehyde embalming and expensive caskets, letting bodies go back to a natural state instead of preserving them as long as possible underground (why?). That part is doable.

I’ve never wanted a big deal made out of my death. If people want to gather, spend money and say nice things, I’d totally rather it be while I’m alive, thanks. I’d always wanted to donate my organs, be cremated and let everyone go on. I do totally want a headstone though, a simple one under a tree. I just love cemeteries, especially the little ones tucked off by themselves, where there are no “visiting hours” and rules about flowers.

After watching that documentary I think I’ll have my organs given away but do the natural thing after that. Minus the part about being left in the house for days. A little unconventional, yes, but it my old death plan was to donate my body to a body farm (Wikipedia that one!).

Awkward….

“Honey, you have that glow, you know, like you should get pregnant.”
“If you get pregnant, we could have our babies at the same time.”
“Married a year already? Married 2 months, pregnant with my daughter.”
“25? You better hurry up! Don’t wait so long like me!”

At least no one has told me I look pregnant.

Here’s the deal, I really do want kids. I just don’t want them right now! I don’t know why all the women at my work are so concerned with me having some Little Fromages! More concerning than them poking their noses into when we’re having kids, is when they start discussing the process of makin’ those babies…

I got cornered in my office recently by a coworker who asked….

“How old are you? 25? Oh, man, believe me, the sex just keeps getting better from here! Wait ‘til you’re like 28… See me then, we’ll talk!”

I hope to God I’m not still working here with you in 3 years, and if I am, I’m not going to chit chatting in the break room with you about hitting the sheets.

I was at a loss for words when a lady who comes in regularly asked about my knee (I’ve got a bum one on the right and keep it taped), I told her it was same old, same old and she leaned in and whispered this…

“Honey, you got a boyfriend or a husband?....You should tell him you can’t be on top! That’s what I would do!”

Uhm…Thanks, for all that, but I’m pretty sure LT Fromage and I have it under control by ourselves, thanks.

Not awkward at all….

A List Making Mood

In no particular order, I give you “Things That Scare the Crap Out of Me”

Most are strange. Many are funny. All are true.

Blisters
Spilled drinks
Gun shots
Public speaking
Goats
Earthworms
Being lifted up
Water deeper than my height of 5’6”
Fish
Being heard vomiting
Being overheard trimming my nails
School Busses
Airports
Exorcism movies
Loud noises
Driving in traffic
Using the last of the water in the cooler and having to change the bottle
Being locked in a closets
Spiders
Needing to make a turn while a pedestrian is present at the intersection
Lying awake
Crowds
Getting lost
Unfamiliar environments
Answering the door
Answering the phone
Opening unknown mail
Small Talk
Sneezing
Yawning
Being overheard using the bathroom
Waking up on the sofa

The Wheels on the Bus go Round and Round

I don’t like public transportation. I grew up in a town of 112, so, as you can imagine, there wasn’t much need for taxis and such. Even after growing up and moving away, I never did hop on a bus, hail a cab or set foot on a subway. The longer I went without trying it, the more frightening the idea became. Then, when I was 23, newly engaged to LT Fromage and spending New Year’s Eve with my friend, Pat, I did it. I rode the light rail. Not because I wanted to, but because Pat lived near the station and we opted to avoid traffic and possible DUIs. When it came down to actually using public transportation, I decided I would have preferred risking the DUI.

I hate crowds. I hate not being in control. Droves of people crammed into a fast-moving bus-train thing that stops, well, who knows where it stops! certainly not when I want it to stop, and heaven forbid I have to actually change busses…. What the eff was I thinking? Of course, the boys thought it was a wonderfully funny game to “forget” what stop we needed to get off, or what route we would take to get home. Thanks, fellas.

After the night out, there were tens of thousands of people waiting to get back on the light rail. Why? I sure didn’t want back on! But we waited. A little drunk and among more people than I’d ever seen in my life, a fight broke out right beside us. The boys thought it was exciting. I found myself sitting on the wet, dirty curb, rocking and covering my ears until it was over.

Yes. Totally sitting on the curb, covered with vomit, gum, dirt. Eyes squeezed shut, plugging my ears and rocking back and forth.

I don’t do well in crowds. I don’t do well when I’m not in control. I don't do well on busses.

Eff public transportation.

Ready, Set, GO!

It's finally time for LT Fromage to deploy. Before the month is out, he'll be gone for a long year. Forgive my lack of specifics, but as always, safety first (Check out Sara's blog for more into on OPSEC).

It's hard to belive it's finally here, but we've known all along it was coming; I like to trust that we're well prepared, but ready or not, here we go!

Wish us luck and please keep LT Fromage (Who will be Captain Fromage before I see him again!) in your thoughts or prayers. Whether you support this war or not, do remember that the men and women fighting for our freedom are husbands, wives, fathers, mothers, siblings and children to someone out there. This one is mine :)

Public Service Announcement

Another Poop Post

You know those once-in-a-lifetime dogs? The ones you never forget, and you're only lucky enough to have once? Satchel was that dog; sadly we had to put him to sleep just over a year ago. We still talk about him often in the Fromage household, usually in the context of picking on our current dogs, Erika and Buford, requesting that they be more like their predecessor. (For instance, Saturday morning, when I went downstairs to find trash strewn about, “Why can’t you guys just be more like Satchel? He didn’t pull this kind of $H!T!”)


It’s hard to narrow down the best thing about Satchel. Was it his wrinkly face that one could smoosh into utter cuteness? His ability to be so loving and gentle with everyone, puppies, babies and strangers, but ready to tear someone’s face off if they messed with his mamma ? Was it because he could be trusted with the run of the house and not get into trouble? The ever so gentle way he took food from your hand, using his lips so not to accidently nibble a finger? Was it his seeming ability to understand exactly what you were saying to him?

Those things were all wonderful, but the thing we miss most about Satchel? His pooping.


Yes, his pooping.

Satchel loved to poop and we loved how excited he was after he pooped. We think this stemmed from his younger days when we were housetraining. Since I was in an apartment at that time and had no yard, I was right there with Satchel, on the other end of the leash every single time he successfully pooped outside and boy would we celebrate when he did! Treats! Jumping! Exclaiming “Hooray! Satchel! Hooray! Good job, boy!”! I’m sure all of the other residents in the complex thought I was nuts, but it worked. He was housetrained in record time and the sense of pride and accomplishment he felt after pooping stayed with him for years to come. Even as an adult dog, then limited to the use of only 3 legs, he would finish his business and take off into a full sprint! Wagging, running and celebrating! (Although, Erika was trained the same way, but does not derive the same joy from this activity...)

We could watch him in the back yard, running until he met the fence, and on walks LT Fromage would take the leash and as Satchel finished, the boys would together run for blocks as I cleaned up what had warranted such excitement.

Satchel’s favorite place to poop was Home Depot.


About a year after Satchel came along, I bought a house. Home owners spend a lot of time at Home Depot, which happens to be dog friendly (perhaps no longer, after Satchel left his mark…).

Satchel often joined me running errands on weekends.


I always made him potty before we left the house. Really, I tried to prevent it.


As soon as we entered the store, Satchel scouted for the perfect place to poop; a long, empty aisle. The moment I became distracted he would hunch over…

Then he would run! A big, brown, wrinkly, 3-legged dog flailing about on the end of his leash (Or sometimes, if he was lucky, slipping out of his collar to dash up and down the aisles) as I bagged the pile he was so proud of.

Every. Single. Time.

They must have come to know us at that Home Depot. “Here comes that girl and her crazy dog… Get the hose out, boys…”

We miss you, Satch. See you on the other side. I hope they have Home Depot in heaven.