Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Livin’ the Dream

Some years ago, I purchased a cow shaped cookie cutter. If you don’t know it by now, I love cows. However, I don’t love cookies as much as I do cows, at least not sugar cookies (the only ones that really hold their shape. I tried making cow chocolate chip cookies…. Fail.) But last night, my dream became reality, we finally made cow cookies (and I didn’t burn the house down in the process!)!

I rolled out the dough, cut lots of little bovines and baked away until their little toes turned golden brown. Once they cooled, we iced. I even bought black decorating icing and those fancy little tips (which didn’t fit, by the way; we ended up squirting icing into sandwich bags and cutting the corner off. Resourcefulness: just one of my many gifts.) I even went so far as to buy little pearl sprinkles for eyes. Hardcore? Maybe; but I’ve been waiting for this day for quite some time.

LT Fromage decorated his cows with red and green spots, since he was in a festive mood (er, I was hogging the black icing).

Santa’s not the only one who likes cookies and milk, so when LT Fromage finished his snack we poured some leftover milk into a cat-sized mug for Toby, who sat on the cow rug and helped finish off dad’s drink. Before we finished up, we carefully made 5 dime-sized cookies for the rats (The Ladies). The dogs didn’t get to partake in the festivities. Sorry, guys.

Giant snowflakes and tiny twinkle lights are hanging and the garland, nativity and stockings will soon emerge too. Best of all? LT Fromage suggested we go pick out our tree… THIS WEEKEND. Shocked? You should be! This comes from the man who grew up in a family who was getting their pine on Christmas-freakin’-eve! I, the polar opposite, erected my fake greenery as early as November 1st when I was a single lady. I thought this gesture was a peace offering since I slept on the couch the night before, but in fact, it’s due to his work schedule; this being the only weekend we can go unless we want to pick up a scraggly tree a few days before the holiday. Whatever the reason, we get the tree this weekend, and I can’t wait!

And finally,

I started Twittering. Yeah, they got me. Be sure to follow me (on the side bar to your right) so you can get updates on my super exciting life every time anything semi-awesome happens. C’mon, you know you want to!

Monday, November 29, 2010

Host First Thanksgiving as LT and Lady Fromage: Check!

(Unattempted as of yet, but they look quite yummy! Check them out here!)

Phew! It’s over.

We actually had a great time, and I have to mention (rub in) again how lucky LT Fromage and I are to have in laws we love, who love each other! The food was great, the company even better, and by a miracle of God (or it might have been my momma) the house was sparkling clean when everyone left!

However, the stress of so much company, more cooking than we normally do in a month, constant entertaining and 3 dead car batteries (each family experienced it at different times, his, mine and ours) spread over the week has us a little on edge now. When I say a little on edge, I mean I slept on the couch last night. (Lesson learned: When LT Fromage is burnt out, he wants to be left alone, which conflicts with my need to draw close again. Ah, the discoveries of a young marriage. See, L, we aren’t perfect all the time!)

With thanksgiving out of the way, it’s time to start prepping for the most spectacular time of the year…. Christmas!

Stay tuned for cookie recipes (It’s true, I’m going to try my hand at baking once more!), darling home décor ideas and wish lists (listen up, Santa! Or blog readers in a giving mood!) In the mean time, be sure to check out Shutterfly, where you can score 50 free personalized Holiday greeting cards, with your photo! They also offer mugs, calendars and more. LT Fromage and I are totally doing it this year. Especially since we get them for free. Free is good. It means saving more money for the mega-electric bill we’ll get in January thanks to all the lights I’ll be attaching to the house.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

D@MN it Feels Good to be a Gangsta

One night in December, after an evening of pizza, Wii and lots of drinking with our couple friends S & J (My best Non Sucky Army Wife friend), we met “Gangsta Gangst”, J’s alter ego.
We had a lot of laughs at his “gangsta name”, because J is not, in fact, a “gansta”, not even close. He wears sweaters and watches Food Network. LT Fromage also wears sweaters and we're also Food Network junkies, so the 4 of us can discuss the Iron Chefs for hours. It’s no surprise that we’ve become such good friends. Try as we might, none of us are quite gangtas, though.

I began to feel jealous, if fellow sweater-wearing, Food Networking-watching, early-bedtimer , J could have a Gangsta name, why couldn’t I? LT Fromage said he would work on it.
A few days later, driving home from a Monday night date (We try to get some good Margaritas….er, I mean Mexican food, on Mondays), it came to him. “I’ve got it!” he said, “Lady Fromage.” Of course!

I love, LOVE, loooovvvveeeee cheese. LT Fromage claims that if I was an animal, I would be a mouse. (Although a good friend once suggested badger… Aw, that’s mean. Oh, and then those boys MOO’d at me, so maybe a cow, also... But I digress).

When LT Fromage is away, most of my suppers consist of an array of cheeses (I always keep a minimum 6 selections stocked in the fridge at all times), jellies and jams, crackers and breads. Pair that with a bottle, er, glass of wine and I’m in heaven. Our older cat, Garrett also loves cheese, so when LT Fromage is not home, Gare and I can be found indulging on delectable dairy products together while we watch trashy MTV reality shows. (LT Fromage does not delight in cheese to the extent that I do; he prefers meals that are slightly more… diverse and substantial. He also doesn’t enjoy trashy MTV specials. His loss)

On a recent drive home from St. Louis LT Fromage took me to The Cheese Store. This is exactly what it sounds like. That is, Heaven.

I limited myself to 5 cheeses; however I sampled each and every one in the store (some more than once) My final purchases:

*Havarti with Dill (LT Fromage's favorite)
*White Cheddar with Onion and Garlic
*Cajun Cheddar Curds
*Smoked Mozzarella Curds
*White and Orange Cheddar Curds

Other favorites:

*Goat cheese. Plain ol’ is my favorite, but it’s also delicious with herbs and other add-ins.
*Gorgonzola. I make a fab-u-lous sauce to go over steak (or Portabella mushrooms, for me), and I always buy an extra tub so I can snack on the tasty chunks while I cook.
*White Queso. Pretty dee-lish, when you get it at an authentic Mexican restaurant!
*Brie. I even named a pet rat this, once. If ever you have an opportunity to eat baked brie, try it! I promise you’ll eat every last bite!
*Swiss. One word, Fondue.
*Smoked Gouda. O.M.G…. Oh, yes, yes yes!
I’m also a sucker for- this is embarrassing – Velveeta. Sorry, I can’t help it. Heat it up with a can of Rotell, you’ll love it too.

And there you have it. The backstory of my cheesy name. Now you know, and knowing is all the power (*wink *wink, LT Fromage!).

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Tweeting is for the Birds

Someone help me out. I need to know, what the eff is Twitter?

If a bird, say, an African Gray parrot is involved, I’m in, but I have a feeling it’s something…. techy.

How did this happen to me? A million years ago I did contract work building websites (back when it was good old HTML coding and nothing more); after high school, I pursued a degree in graphic design, but somewhere along the way, I lost it. I can still write HTML (which is like, drawing on cave walls nowadays), but I have no idea what a 3G, or heaven forbid, a 4G phone is.

The last time I upgraded my cell phone (about 2 years ago) I was shown the Iphone, but I actually paid more for a regular old phone. A phone with buttons and no internet, a phone I knew how to use. I’m not sure how many Gs it is, but it’s green and so I’m happy with that.

Maybe for my next upgrade, I’ll get the Jitter Bug. Then this could be LT and Lady Fromage

Ok, so someone help me out. What the heck is twitter? Do I need one? More than one? What is it people “tweet” about? Is this something like a facebook status because I’m still not even facebook savy, all I can do there is plow a virtual farm. Without the crutch of updates like “I just harvested 9 plots of wheat!” I’m not sure what I’d have to say to Twitter. Probably things like “Running late, but really have to poop. Should I go ahead and go and be late, or wait until I get to work?” or “My sweater has a hole in it, but I’ll probably wear it anyway and if anyone says something I’ll just act surprised”. Most of my updates would probably read “Picking up green curry on the way home from work, yum!” and quite frankly, while that’s earth shatteringly exciting for me, all those people in cyberspace may be less than impressed.

So I ask you, readers, do any of you Twitter or Tweet? What do you say? And how many Gs must your phone possess to work this magic? (Extra love if you explain what the G is)

Reviews on the Jitter bug will also be accepted, as I’m due for a phone upgrade soon.

Many thanks,
Lady Fromage

Monday, November 22, 2010

I Paid for Services from a Woman on Craigslist

This Thanksgiving is gonna be uh-mazing.

3 years ago on this holiday LT Fromage asked my dad if he could marry me (Yeah, he’s totally such a gentleman! I’m a lucky lady, I know). I was uber nervous about that day, not because I knew he was gonna pop the question (to my dad… not me, yet. He waited until Christmas, but I’ll save that story for next month!) but because it was the first time we were introducing our parents to each other.

I had nightmares for months prior (I kid you not) about them hating each other. Most mornings I woke up when they started screaming at one another in the front yard.

That didn’t happen. Phew.

Actually, our folks loved each other!

I think we’re a pretty lucky couple. It’s hard enough to find someone you love enough to marry, a plus if you like their family, and even better if they like yours too. But for your original family and the new addition to get on so well… Well, that pretty much rocks. Jealous much? \

Sadly, our families like each other maybe a little too much.

This year LT Fromage and I are staying in the Little Apple for Turkey Day, so we planned to host one side of the family. Yes, only one side.

When it’s just LT Fromage and I in the house, it seems like a mansion with its 4 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms. If we throw in 4 parents, 4 siblings and a brother-in-law, plus their combined 3 dogs, well, the space would close in quickly. I’m not even sure we’d have enough hot water for everyone to shower on a daily basis. We couldn’t possibly invite them all, and in small print include “Daily shower not guaranteed”. So we didn’t. We picked the side that hadn’t yet been out to visit, and asked them to keep their travel plans quiet, which they did, but then this conversation happened.

Family 1: “So we were thinking, since the kids aren’t coming back for Thanksgiving, we should get together anyway! Would you guys join us?”

Family 2: “Uhm. Thank you so much! That sounds wonderful! I’m actually not sure what we’re doing quite yet… Can I confirm later this week?”

Family 2 to Fromages:What do we tell them?!?”

What did we do? The only thing we could do, we invited everyone. All 9 of them (minus the dogs, we had to draw the line somewhere).

Of course, being fairly newlywed with no kids, we haven’t accumulated enough place settings, utensils or cookware for this situation. Solution: BYOP – Bring your own place setting. And forget sitting at the table, because it only seats 4. Hello, living room furniture! May you survive this day wearing no cranberry sauce.

This Thanksgiving, I’m thankful for my 2 families. 9 people who are stellar enough to come out early to help cook, bringing pots and pans and their own dishes and not their dogs. Above all, to be laid back enough to make this week a whole lot of fun instead of a headache.

(PS: Who wouldn’t stress about cleaning the house with all those people coming? I did myself a favor and hired a housekeeper. Best $67 I’ve ever spent on services provided by a woman I found on craigslist… Wait… That sounded really wrong…)

Friday, November 19, 2010

Duct Tape, Pork Chops and other Nifty Things

So I realize that the last few posts have been about childhood toys, cartoon characters and reality televesion. Next thing you know, I’ll be blogging about Justin Beiber. Just kidding. I won’t go that far.

But I do owe you a grown up post, filled with useful information and nifty things you can take away with you (because I’m not all-that enough to do give aways just yet).

Here you go, some free advice. Things I’ve learned and will now pass on to you, loyal readers. Now don’t say I never gave you anything!

Duct tape works well to patch pants from the inside when they begin thinning from your fat thighs rubbing together. Be aware, though, that it will soon begin sticking to said fat thighs, which is quite uncomfortable, and will need to be gently tugged away from the skin, which can be awkward in social settings. Another layer of duct tape fixes this problem, but not for long. Lesson learned: This is not a permanent solution. Buy some new jeans, thunder thighs.

I can substitute vinegar for the cleaner in my Hoover Floor Mate. It’s way cheaper and works just as well, if not better. Plus it’s green, which I feel good saying. Since I don’t actually do many “green things” It is my favorite color though, so that should count for something.

A mixture of half Red Wine Vinegar and half White Wine Vinegar can be used in place of Apple Cider Vinegar when cooking. I don’t know how it would do in the Hoover though.

Pork Chops are a very good substitute for steak, and much less expensive; even than a less than stellar cut of beef. This sounds good to me, because A) I like to save money, and B) I don’t care as much for pigs as I do cows, and will likely feel less terrible about serving them on a plate. I made some piggies for LT Fromage last week and he loved them. (Mouth watering yet? Here you go!)

Apple Ginger Pork Chops
Recipe courtesy Guy Fieri (Who totally rocks)

pork chops, double cut, center cut, bone in
1/4 cup apple cider vinegar
2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
2 teaspoons minced
1 teaspoon minced garlic
2 tablespoons fresh
lemon juice
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon pepper
1/4 cup white
1 cup sliced (1/4-inch) yellow onions
2 cups cored and sliced (1/4-inch) Granny Smith apples
1/2 cup raisins
2 tablespoons butter

In a resealable plastic bag, add the chops, apple
cider vinegar, 1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil, ginger, garlic, lemon juice, salt and pepper. Marinate for 30 minutes

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.

In a large saute pan heat 1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil to almost smoking, then add pork chops, shaking off excess
marinade. Brown on both sides, then place on a sheet pan and put in the oven for 20 minutes or until internal temperature reaches 135 degrees F.

In the same saute pan
deglaze with wine then add onions, apples and raisins and cook until apples are soft and onions are translucent. Add butter salt and pepper, to taste, and keep warm.
Remove chops from oven and add to the apple mixture. Serve hot.

Notes From Lady Fromage:

I didn’t buy bone in chops; I couldn’t find them so I got a thick cut instead.

I subbed my above mixture for the Apple Cider Vinegar because I didn’t have any.

Also, who has fresh ginger around? I used powdered instead, but not as much obviously. Those would have been some gingery pieces of pork!

I didn’t have raisins so I used dried dates (Why we have those and not raisins I don’t know…).

I used Lime Juice because we didn’t have any lemons. A citrus is a citrus.

I clearly need to restock my kitchen. Now we don't even have anymore dried dates.

Lastly, I marinated for more like 12 hours, because how can 30 minutes do anything?

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Lite-Brite, Lite-Brite, Turn on the magical shining light!

Last week LT Fromage and I took a beginners pistol class. LT Fromage was kind enough to tell me when we arranged it “I’m sure there are things I can learn,” but of course there weren’t. I think he may have actually outshot the instructor, but I had a good time and discovered that I am actually a better one handed shooter than I am when I use both hands. Who knew? Anyway, I got to wear my pink earmuffs, shoot some paper plates and see some cows in the adjacent field and all in all we had a fun day out.

But what does this have to do with a lite-brite? (I know you’re thinking “Where the eff is she going with this story?”)

We had a mega long lunch break, and after we hit up our favorite burger place we still had an hour before class resumed. During that time LT Fromage got a hair cut while I bought yet another pair of sunglasses (our German shepherd keeps eating them) and a cow pen that moos when you push on his head.

So far, there were already multiple high points of this day:

1. Sharing a mid-week day off with LT Fromage. Extra fun because we were shooting

2. The NRA teacher was named Myron Calhoun, which is pretty much a FREAKIN’ AWESOME NAME, right? And he was totally this cute little old man with a big old stocking cap! He even wore a huge name tag, even though we were the only 2 people in his class. Too cute! I have a thing for little old men. We’ll talk about that another time.

3. Lunch at So Long, which included fried pickles and a green chili “burger” with onion rings

4. The above mentioned cow pen. Which totally makes me look like a 6 year old but who gives a D@MN (Using bad words helps me not feel like a kid. Kids can't sware.) Also I got a pink cow eraser. Score!

On our way back to class after the eternal lunch break, we stopped at this funky second hand shop. There it was: The lite-brite. (I told you it was coming)

Pretty much the coolest toy ever. Except maybe Little People. I have a deep rooted love for those, too.

I went a little crazy when I saw it. Ok, more than a little. I may have caused a bit of a scene. But, c’mon, it’s a lite-brite! Who doesn’t remember this from their childhood? I’ll tell you who. LT Fromage.

Boy, he missed out!

I probably should have bought it (It was only ten bucks!) so he could try it out; that is, if I could share it long enough for him to have a turn.

So if you’re in the mood for some lite-brite fun now, because I sure am, I found a website where you can play lite-brite for free. It's not quite the same, but at least it means I won’t be digging those little pegs out of sofa cushions.

If you’ve got an urge for Little People now, well, you’re on your own.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Winnie or Drew?

So yesterday, Drew (one of the local morning show hosts on the local radio station, another one of my “friends”) described the upcoming weather as, “blustery”. A word I’m fairly certain I haven’t heard said by anyone but Winnie the Pooh.

According to Drew, “blustery” apparently means “rain overnight, rain the in the morning, and snow in the afternoon.” I couldn’t reach the bear for his input from on the meaning of this cutesy word. (However, upon google image searching "whinnie the pooh blustery" this was what came up. Enjoy.)

Well, Fall, it’s been fun. Thanks for hanging around so long (no sarcasm intended here, we really did enjoy a spectacularly long fall season this year!). I enjoyed the lunches in the park, walks in the evenings and your slight chill when the window was left open at night. Thanks for the beautiful colors; however, if you could refrain from dropping those leaves all over the yard next year, I’d appreciate it. They look much better on the trees and they’re a pain in the @$$ to rake up. But that’s my only criticism.

Dear Winter, eff you. No matter how cute you try and make yourself by hiding behind charming descriptions like blustery, you still suck. Thanks to you, I’m frightened to open the heating bill, the dogs track mud all over the house and I’m soon going to be reacquainted with my ice scraper. Get lost, winter. No one likes you.

PS: I thought I’d put the snow to good use last year and let it hide all of those pesky leaves under it. Great idea from about November until March. Then I had to rake up soggy leaves. Turns out that was a bad idea. …..

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

My New Bestie

A little update from yesterday: I went to the corporate HR gal with my dilemma and a half hour later sat in my boss’ office, this time joined by our office HR rep, where I got an apology, assurance that I will not lose my job and some assistance with my options (FMLA, etc.). Phew.

With that out of the way, let’s talk about some lighter stuff, shall we?

I’m a huge fan of MTV and reality shows. I think it’s because, as such an introvert. I can enjoy the “company” of the people I can “get to know” at my leisure (assuming they are on. If I had DVR this could even be better…). When I get tired of them, I can turn them off. I can say things to them that my “real” friends may not appreciate, things like “bee-ach, you look like a blimp in that! Size 4 my @$$, go back to the rack for an 8, at least!”

Come to think of it, comments like that may be why I have very few “real life” friends. Food for thought...

16 and Pregnant was my favorite show, and of course, I followed the girls through Teen Mom. I was devastated when the finale came a few weeks ago, and the promise of a new season of 16 and Pregnant didn’t fix it. I wasn’t looking forward to “getting to know” any more new girls, I liked my old friends.

Until the other night when Brooke was introduced. Girl, you are my new “best friend”.

Brooke is a junior in high school who lives in Texas with her family and a herd of goats. She’s also a race car driver (as is her family and her HUSBAND… yes, husband! She’s 16, pregnant and married!). She and HUSBAND, Cody, are planning to buy a prefabricated barn to drop on her parents’ property. To live in. I’ve never heard of living in a prefab barn, but eff yeah, this is gonna be freakin’ awesome!

Other highlights of the introduction episode included Mom’s shock at how her baby girl got knocked up. She reminded her where the condoms are kept (under the bathroom sink), and apparently instructed her on proper usage with the aid of a cucumber. Perhaps not parenting the way I plan to do it, but I sure do love gasping and grabbing LT Fromage, “Can you believe this $H!T???”

Now, it would be easy to judge my new “friend”, since she probably does fall into a category of “white trash”, but I’m not going to. Why? Because she’s a cow lover too. Every scene showed a new item of cowness. Which led me to grab LT Fromage and shriek “AAAAHHHH!!! COOOOOWWWW” every few minutes (I don’t think he likes my new friend so far, since she and I are keeping him from getting much work done).

Ok, MTV. You got me. I’ll put forth the effort to get to know these new high school moms. None of whom can understand how they could possibly have become pregnant (“We were like, totally having unprotected sex for like, ever, and never got pregnant before! WTF?”).

These young women will become a part of my life. I will resume talking to LT Fromage about people he thinks we actually know, ensuring many more confusing conversations like this:

“So Brooke and Cody are totally buying a barn to live in! A BARN! Can you believe it, baby?”

“Wait, who?”

“Booke and Cody! With baby Brody… remember?”

“Is this someone you work with? I thought her name was Amber?”

“No, silly, BROOKE! The Teen Mom!”

“Oh, Jesus…”

Monday, November 15, 2010

It's 5 O'Clock Somewhere

Just when you thought I couldn’t get any more redneck, I brought home 2 more rats Nina (isn’t she cute sitting on LT Fromage’s hand?) and Ruger. Yes, the latter is defiantly named after my gun. H3LL yeah. Our rodent population is now at 5.

Ruger is so tiny (can you tell?) she’s not actually weaned yet, so I’m feeding her bits of soft bread soaked in condensed milk every few hours. She’s even coming to work with me (take your rodent-daughter-to-work day?) so I can keep her fed and hydrated. Of course, she hangs out in a travel cage nestled into one of those reusable grocery bags, because I’m not sure my coworkers would be stoked to see a rat chillin’ on the reception desk….

While I’m probably in the running for Rat Mom of the Year, my employer isn’t so happy with me because I’ve had quite a few doctors’ appointments recently (You thought it was due to the rat, didn’t you?).

Now, I’m not sure if this is fair, but I’m told my job “will no longer be protected” if I keep seeing the doctor. Uhm, this kind of irks me because I’ve still got a positive balance of paid hours and I’m legitimately at the doctor for something that needs to be addressed like, now. Nothing like getting punished for taking care of one’s self, right? Eff. I’ll be visiting HR later, armed with a note from one of my doctors. Hopefully I don’t walk out with a pink slip.

So, please forgive my lack of posts on my blog and comments on yours. I’m busy trying to keep my job, juggle my multitude of visits to the hospital and keep the tummy of a little rat full. All while LT Fromage is gone again, of course.

It’s 11:30 on a Monday morning; is it too early for a bottle, er, I mean glass, of wine?

Tuesday, November 9, 2010


With very little time this week to be online it’s going to be about prioritizing. What does this mean? Online shopping totally takes precedence to anything else.

In my blogging absence, enjoy eyeing my recent purchases:

Owl earrings from Etsy.com

Teal Satchel from Target

(Ok, lie. This wasn’t online, I got it in store because they marked it 30% off. I was supposed to wait until Christmas, but since I was having a rough day yesterday, LT Fromage decided I should go ahead and begin using my new bag! Thank you, LT Fromage!)

See you Monday!

Monday, November 8, 2010

Happy Dance

Speechless twice in one week? Nah, again, I never run out of things to say. So let me just say, THANK YOU to Life After the Aisle for nominating me for this award:

You made my Monday! :-)

In order to accept, I need to nominate 10 of my favorite blogs, so without further a due,

I wish you could all see my happy dance. 'Cause I'm a freakin' awesome dancer... (oozing sarcasm...)

Friday, November 5, 2010

My favorite day of the year – The Monday After Daylight Savings Time Ends.

" What we need in this country, instead of Daylight Savings Time, which nobody really understands anyway, is a new concept called Weekday Morning Time, whereby at 7 a.m. every weekday we go into a space- launch-style "hold" for two to three hours, during which it just remains 7 a.m. This way we could all wake up via a civilized gradual process of stretching and belching and scratching, and it would still be only 7 a.m. when we were ready to actually emerge from bed. " - Dave Barry

Ah, extra hour of sleep on Monday morning, how I have been waiting for you. Even going to bed “early” feels wonderful, so restful and relaxing you are, Non-Daylight Savings Time.

Everyone remember to change your clocks, your alarm batteries, your underwear, whatever it is you’ve committed to refreshing when this splendid time of year comes around. (I hope everyone is changing their undies at least slightly more frequently….)

And finally, in case you’ve forgotten: Spring forward, fall back. No one show up to work at the wrong hour as I’ve done. Multiple times…

Thursday, November 4, 2010

100 Things

I’m speechless (Not really. I’m never speechless), this is my 100th post. In honor of this mile stone, here are 100 things. Not really related things, funny or impressive things, but 100 things none the less.

My list of 100 things.

1. My highest score in solitaire is 735. Which is the highest possible score. NBD
2. I can reach 97 WPM with 97% accuracy
3. I can hold my breath for 1:14
4. Jolly Ranchers always give me hiccups
5. I love grilled cheese sandwiches with sliced jalapeños
6. Or onion and tomato
7. Or dipped in ranch dressing
8. Pretty much anything can be dipped in ranch dressing for that matter
9. I was home schooled until my senior year of high school
10. When I was a little girl, I had an imaginary friend, a horse named Acorn
11. I broke my left ring finger in high school and set it myself, it still bothers me when it’s cold out
12. I love Splenda
13. I add red pepper to hot chocolate, it’s so yummy
14. I’m terrified of earth worms
15. When I was little, I killed a butterfly in a jar using a cotton ball soaked in rubbing alcohol, even though my mom pleaded with me not to
16. I’ve had a stereo stolen from my car and my house broken into twice
17. I worked in an animal shelter where I had to euthanize peoples unwanted pets, I quit working there when I realized I had stopped feeling sad about them dying
18. Ringo is my favorite Beatle
19. I carry 3 types of anxiety medications at all times
20. I starred in the spring musical my senior year in high school (Once Upon A Mattress)
21. I was awarded “Most Improved Dancer” by the cast
22. My favorite color is green
23. I have prosopagnosa (face blindness)
24. I burp when I yawn
25. I read really, really fast
26. I’m not sure if I believe in ghosts, but I am sure that if they’re real, there are some in my house
27. My favorite number is 27
28. I always tip at least 20%
29. I have giant feet, some of my shoes are size 10 ½ wide
30. I had to buy men’s hiking boots because they don’t make women’s that fit me
31. I can’t hike anymore because of patella femoral syndrome in my right knee
32. I love cemeteries, I find them peaceful not creepy
33. However, I do have an abnormal fascination with death
34. I love the old Window’s Entertainment Pack with Chip’s Challenge, Rodent’s Revenge and Tetris
35. I hate the number 35
36. I bruise very easily. I’m afraid most people think LT Fromage must beat me at home
37. When I was little, I had a crush on the Nickelodeon cartoon character Doug
38. My favorite Starbucks drink is the pumpkin spice frappuccino, but when it’s out of season I order a caramel frappuccino with a half cream base
39. I have a paw print tattoo behind my right ear, in memory of all of my pets I’ve lost and the ones I’ve had to put down because there was no room left for another unwanted animal
40. I can fall asleep anywhere, any time. My parents used to think I had narcolepsy
41. I’m the oldest of 4 children, 2 of whom my parents adopted. I love my family so much
42. LT Fromage and I laugh all the time. I’ve never seen a couple who laughs so much and can be so silly, except maybe on TV
43. Last New Year’s Eve I caught our kitchen on fire making breakfast. The fire department had to come put it out
44. We now own a fire extinguisher
45. I love tanks and have a small collection of 1/144 scale miniatures
46. My favorite tank is the Stingray, but it was never mass produced
47. I’ve only been on public transportation once in my life and I was terrified
48. The Office is my favorite TV show
49. I’m also recently lovin’ Arrested Development
50. LT Fromage and I went to Sicily, Italy for our honeymoon, which was amazing except…
51. Our luggage was lost in Rome, so we didn’t have our things for the first day
52. Also, the water was out 50% of the time, so we only showered every other day
53. And we ended up sleeping on separate couches because the bed was so uncomfortable
54. I’m terrified of stopped school busses
55. I dated a guy who went to Annapolis, later married a man who graduated from West Point but was never involved with anyone from the Air Force Academy, despite living only an hour away, while the other schools are on the east coast
56. If while walking, an object is between me and my companion, I have to repeat the phrase “bread and butter” until we are no longer separated
57. I get nosebleeds when I’m nervous
58. I got two nosebleeds on our wedding day (one about 5 minutes before walking down the aisle. In my white dress. The second at the reception immediately before pictures)
59. I had nosebleeds all the time when we started getting frisky, which is a pretty good mood killer
60. I love diet Pepsi, but usually buy Sam’s Club brand diet soda. I won’t touch diet Coke with a 10 foot pole
61. Generations ago, my family owned the Coca Cola company
62. I once stole an Obama sign from a deli window and am guilty of removing an Obama bumper sticker in a parking lot on at least one occasion
63. I didn’t grow out of stuffed animals like my mom predicted I would. I still sleep with “Sir Loin”, a cow LT Fromage gave me for our first Christmas (He had no idea when he bought that cow that he’d be sleeping with it 3 years later)
64. I once ripped the seat of my pants dancing with my friend at a gay club
65. I also ripped the seat of my pants at a county fair while showing my dog
66. My current favorite pair of jeans are wearing thin in the bottom, so to prevent another rip I’ve duct taped them on the inside
67. I live by the phrase “If you can’t duck it, chuck it” (except sometimes I use another work that rhymes with duck)
68. The song “The Reason” by Hoopastank makes my ears hurt, much the same as nails on a chalk board does. Only worse
69. So does the sound of the new Sun Chips bag
70. I don’t believe in the territories
71. I also don’t believe in umami
72. I once cut off my own skin tag with nail clippers
73. I can’t swim
74. I had no idea it would be so hard to think of 100 things. Eff, what was I thinking?
75. My favorite color is green
76. I was raised Protestant, but converted a few years ago to Roman Catholic
77. I got to stay in a Monastery when I was in New York for LT Fromage’s graduation
78. At the present time LT Fromage and I own 2 dogs, 2 cats, 4 rats and a frog
79. Our older cat can sit, speak and roll over, the younger can speak and sit up to beg
80. I own and can shoot, disassemble, clean and reassemble my own gun (Ruger SR9c)
81. T-Rex is my favorite dinosaur
82. If it was socially acceptable, I would totally hole up in the house and never come out. Except to pick up an order of green curry (to go, of course) once in a while
83. I have to sleep with one leg out of the covers
84. I love stadium nachos and M&Ms. Yes, together
85. Blue M&Ms are my favorite, even though I think the Red M&M on the commercials is the best
86. My current favorite commercial is the Geico “Bird in the Hand” one
87. Or maybe the Skittles Tube Sock
88. Or the shake weight, because that is too crazy funny, and not on purpose
89. My birthday sometimes falls on national donut day, which is great, because I love donuts
90. I also love cheese, anything to do with cheese, and also green curry
91. I’ve read my favorite book, Life of Pi at least a dozen times
92. I basically live in my “Nothing Tips Like A Cow” hooded sweater
93. I’ve got a space heater with a remote, it’s set up so that I can turn it on to heat the bathroom before I even get out of bed in the morning
94. I’m a die-hard Colorado Rockies fan
95. I love cooking
96. But I can’t bake and always end up frustrated when I try
97. I live for Christmas and, before I was married, would bring out my (artificial) tree on November 1st
98. Now we wait until the first day of Advent and buy a real tree
99. I love antique stores
100. I hate funnel cake

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Not What You'd Expect on a 3rd Date

I stayed out until 9:30 last night with my good friend, S, at our favorite Thai place. We were having a great time but both yawning so much we could hardly keep conversation. A fellow Army Wife, she goes to bed early too.

When LT Fromage and I met, he didn’t know I had such an early bed time (Of course, now he does too, and not because I made him. The Army makes him. Well, they make him get up long before 5AM, and really, that’s what makes him have an early bed time. Anyway...).

The first time we went out, he texted me at, oh, probably something like 7:30 or 8 to see if I wanted to go get a drink. I said sure, but I left out the part about needing to change out of my pajamas, put back on my makeup and “wake up”. See, I was actually turning off the light to go to bed when I got his message. When he said, “I’m eating with my family, I’ll be there after dinner. Say 9:30 or 10?” WFT? That was the middle of the night to me! Then I thought he was standing me up when I got there (but that's another story). Despite all that, we did go on another date.
And then this happened.

I fell asleep.

This is not to say that LT Fromage was a bad date. Or boring. Or I was having a lame time. Nope, I was just tired and it was past my bed time (of 8 o’clock) when we were watching Fever Pitch on my couch. Next thing I know, it’s morning and I’m waking up alone under my covers in last night’s blue jeans and sweater.

Poor LT Fromage said he tried to wake me, and when his multiple attempts failed (because I can sleep through anything, folks) he contemplated what to do next. Leave me on the couch? (Which actually would have been fine, I used to sleep on my couch more than my bed, but he had no idea. This was only our third date) No, that would be terrible. He carried me to my bedroom and weighed what to do next. He didn’t want to leave me in my uncomfortable daytime clothes, but if I woke up and found him rooting around in my dresser drawers, I would be P!$$ED. Ditto that for waking up to him removing my clothing. He made the decision to leave me as I was, pull a blanket over me up and lock up after himself.

And he totally asked me out again! Yeah! I know, right?

Besides on a 3rd date, other inconvenient times I’ve taken naps were: at a comedy show, at a concert and during a fire drill in college (where I was an RA, responsible for clearing my hall. Oops).

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Adult Content

So LT Fromage has XM radio in his car, Beth. My truck is a 2004 so I’m stuck with the basics, AM, FM and CD player. Which is totally fine, but I do enjoy driving Beth sometimes because, among other stations, I can listen to Cosmo Radio.

Cosmo is pretty much my bible.

So a few months ago, while listening to this fabulous talk radio channel in LT Fromage’s car, an ad was played which offered a 25% discount code for a website which offered Cosmo’s Truth or Dare card game, which as soon as I learned of it had to have.

Upon returning home I immediately logged onto the website, which turned out to be strongly adult themed. NBD, I’ve seen the naked body before and I am a cheap wad so I wanted my discount. (This is why I love online shopping. No one has to know what you’re doing. Unless you later blog about it. Oops) Days came and went, my game arrived (Which, as is everything Cosmo cranks out, is fantastic) and life went on. Except that in addition to the game, I seem to have bought myself a life time of mailers from this adult website.

Now, every time I open my email there’s a “coupon code” or “special offer” from this website. For no real reason I once opened one of these messages, unfortunately it was while I was at work and I got a message explaining that some content of the page I was trying to view had been blocked… Oops.

It’s easy enough to delete a few emails without anyone being the wiser that I’ve got 3 or 4 porn messages in my inbox (Again, unless you blog about it. Eff) but the mailers are what are really getting to me.

A few times a month, a flashy envelope plastered with nude women posed provocatively but in such a way that covers just enough to allow these to go out in the mail. So now the post man thinks I’ve got some kind of fetish, I’m sure. It didn’t help that recently we received a package and our nice mailman came to the door to deliver it, bringing with him our mail. With a Play Boy special lying right on top. Some dark haired beauty, naked, of course, crawling under the HUGE wording, “LT Fromage, sign up now for a special offer! 1 year of Play Boy for $19.99!”

Normally our friends who live down the street watch our house and pets while we’re gone. They used to pick up our mail, too, but I’ve since stopped leaving the key for obvious reasons.

At least if I ever want to buy a blow-up fireman, I’m sure to have a catalog in the mail and discount code or two in my inbox…

*Normally I’d try to find a fitting picture to go with this post, but since I’m at work I’m not going to google image search this one.

Monday, November 1, 2010

The Answers You’ve Been Waiting For

I’m sure you all spent the last 72 hours wondering “Are kids more frightened of the Easter Bunny than the bear suit?” and “How many trick-or-treaters will she have?” (Yeah, right. I hope you had better things to do than think of me in a bunny suit.)

The wait is over. Here’s what went down.

The bunny suit, which was definitely an Easter bunny, by the way, even without the vest, is much less threatening to kiddos than the brown bear suit that I wore when I worked for the bank. I did still manage to make a few kids cry, but more often than not, they wanted a picture or a hug.

*Besides the warm fuzzy feeling I got in my heart from making all those children smile, there was a very, very warm feeling inside that suit for the 3 freakin’ hours I was trapped inside of it. I’m pretty sure I sweated off like 20 pounds. I rewarded myself with a to-go order of green curry on the way home though, so it was totally worth it.

Due largely to the fact that I purchased a minimal amount of candy, namely kinds that I would like to eat myself, we had a multitude of costumed trick-or-treaters come to our door. Eff. I actually had to resort to handing out left over Twizzlers from last year. I hope those were still ok… It was that or pennies. I know the Twizzlers, even if stale, would taste better than a dirty old coin.

LT Fromage and I did not wear our pirate costumes on Saturday. After spending the prior evening as the White Rabbit, AKA Eater Bunny, I was costumed out. My friend S and I did end up dressing in the same outfit (Dark jeans, black heels, black t-shirt) so we decided we were going as each other. We had a fun time, even though we only stayed out until about quarter after midnight. Look, people. I’m old. I am now in the 25-34 age bracket, I can’t be stayin’ out all night anymore. I should have been at home doing a cross word puzzle or something.

And the ultimate weekend highlight….

Hearing Joey Lawrence on the 90’s Hits Station on XM Radio on Sunday afternoon.

I immediately had to text my sister “oooommmgg! Remember how crazy we used to be about him? What the H3LL were we thinking back then?” But then again, I was tuned into the 90’s hits that afternoon and I actually listened to the whole song, so maybe I haven’t come as far as I thought….
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