Introducing...

Kurt Nolan Fromage

Born 11:59:58, August 31, 2012. Just barely in time, but he made it on the blue moon, which Grandma Acorn was thrilled about.

I’m not going to bore you with the entire birth story, because the thing took 19 hours, I pushed a 10 pound baby out of my vajayjay and if we’re being honest here, the whole thing made seriously rethink the idea of doing this again in a couple years (I may or may not have tried to schedule a tube-tie procedure before even leaving the delivery room). I’ll just share some of the low points…. Er….highlights:

Baby Fromage was in no rush to be born (Despite the fact that he was already the size of a middle school student) so I ended up with the max dose of Pitocin, which made for some pretty intense contractions; they wouldn’t have been so bad if my epidural didn’t wear off… twice. I got pumped with something to take the edge off while the epidural was adjusted, but I don’t respond well to pain meds, and apparently neither does Little Man, because his heart rate dropped, I was put on oxygen and proceeded to throw up (ever puked with tubes up your nose?). I got yet another dose of drugs for the nausea and promptly fell asleep.

Yes, you read that right. I fell asleep.

Dude, I’d been laboring for some 16-17 hours, the last thing I’d eaten was a half bowl of Raisin Bran at 5AM and I’d had a dose of every drug in the hospital. Thankfully, the epidural must have been wearing off again because I did wake up for each and every contraction, just long enough to push. I don’t recall, but apparently I was convinced Daddy Fromage knew something I didn’t because he claims I kept asking him, “How many more (pushes)?”

I have no idea how many pushes it actually took (but it was enough to take 2 hours), but we did finally have a baby. A giant baby, with a full head of hair on a perfectly shaped head and not a typical baby wrinkle in sight. Oh yeah, he was also purple.

He’s absolutely A-O-K now, so I’m keeping this light, but D@MN, it was the most helpless, horrifying moment of my life. I can’t even begin to express how terrifying it was to deliver a baby who wouldn’t breathe and had to be whisked away to the NICU (for more than an hour) while I just laid there, entirely unable to do a thing to help him, no one could tell me he’d be alright. I’m pretty sure it brought on some gray hairs, but I’ve been too busy changing diapers to look in the mirror yet.

So in the early morning hours of the first of September, I finally got to spend some time with my son (My heart swells up typing that… MY SON!). Guys, he’s perfect. I may be a little tiny bit biased, but he may be the most handsome baby evah. He’s got my giant feet and detached earlobes, he sneezes in twos just like his daddy and he’s had us both wrapped around his tiny little finger from the moment we saw him.

Speaking of fingers…

People Whose Eyes I Want to Poke Out With My Middle Fingers –

The nurse who let me labor for 19 hours, drenched in sweat with a wet towel draped over me as Daddy Fromage rubbed ice on my forehead and with mere minutes left of the ordeal, asked if I’d like her to turn the air on, since the room was a tad warm. Lucky for her, my legs were numb and there was a baby dangling from my lady parts, or I’d have jumped up and clawed her face off.

Whoever made the rule that ice chips are ok, but water in liquid form will cause certain death, any form of food is also out of the question. I started to wonder what was worse: labor, or hunger/thirst. I wish I was kidding, but in the last moments, the only thing that kept me going was telling myself “Once you push him out, you can have a Gatorade and a meal!”

My doctor who, almost as if it was funny, told me “If we’d known he was going to be so big, I’d have induced you back at 38 weeks!” and later added that if he’d been just 50 grams bigger, she’d have given me the option of C-section. Bee-ach, shouldn’t you have done some kind of grown scan to check this $H!T beforehand? Thank God Daddy Fromage and I had to schedule the induction because of this upcoming knee surgery, because if little man had been allowed to incubate another week or 2, he’d have come out large enough to be a starter on the high school football team.

All of the pregnancy aches and pains, the hellavuh labor, the sleepless nights and countless dirty diapers… totally worth it. Being a mom is freakin’ amazing!

This Will Be A Fun Story for Later

(Why the nutella? It came up when I image searched "Overwhelmed new mom", though I can't figure why! But hey, it made me feel better, as nutella always does, so it's representin' for this post!)

Baby Fromage is due to arrive in a mere 9 days now. Give or take, of course, since despite the fact that he’s less than 10 pounds and not a day old yet he’s running the show. Lots of anticipation around here and every time CPT Fromage or I make a phone call home, the first question is always “Is she/are you in labor!?” I’m as miserable as I’ve ever been and ready to say goodbye to pregnancy and start the feeding/diapering/crying baby stage.

I mentioned in my last post that we were adding to the excitement of a baby with a move to Mississippi 8 weeks post-birth; I later realized I didn’t mention WHY we were relocating there. CPT Fromage was offered a training position at Camp Shelby while he transitions out of the Army; easy-peasy staff job with National Guard and Reserve soldiers and no chance of deployment, can’t say no to that! So come the first week of November, we’ll settle in at our third address in as many states for the year… with a new baby this time... should be fun!

As if our first born on the way and a move on the horizon aren’t enough to keep us busy, it looks like CPT Fromage is going to need knee surgery in the coming  4 weeks or so. Amazing timing, right! About a month ago he injured it at PT (Physical Training) playing football. An X-ray didn’t show any problems, so he took it easy a few weeks hoping it was a sprain; when it didn’t heal up, and MRI showed 2 meniscus tears and a cyst. Wonderful.

We’re a pretty sorry sight to see, CPT Fromage on a gimpy knee and my waddling around, belly as big and inconvenient as ever. Undoubtedly now I’ll need a c-section, because c’mon, that’s the most awesome scenario imaginable right? Both new parents recovering from surgery and running on no sleep; prepping for a move in between changing dirty diapers and cleaning spit up? Maybe Baby Fromage can be colicky too! Oh my….  /sarcasm

Truthfully, our excitement hasn't been dampened, it’s going to be just fine no matter what. We’ll get through it one way or another. My mom is on standby, as soon as she gets the call she’ll be on her way to help and a friend of ours – who recently became a baby pro -  just moved into the same apartment complex and she’s volunteered to give us a hand as well. Phew! The in-laws will hopefully be coming out shortly after and my sister is going to drop in for a few days too.

If there’s one thing to be grateful for it’s that I made 3 weeks’ worth of meals and froze them; at least in the midst of the chaos we’ll have something to eat besides delivery!

"Get this baby OUT of me!" - MIL

(Forgive the tacky bathroom mirror picture, please. At least I'm not making a duck face!)

40 weeks is a crazy long time to have a tenant in my uterus, especially when he’s not sticking to the lease agreement. Did he ask about the remodels? No. I didn’t plan to expand the space in there, and if he wanted purple stripes so badly we could have painted them in the nursery instead of on my tummy. My tenant also keeps a partier’s schedule, being up most of the night banging on the walls and disturbing his neighbors (I do take some pleasure in the fact that he often kicks CPT Fromage in the back at night, so I’m no longer the only one being kept awake!)

I kid, kid. Baby Fromage can hang out as long as he needs to, we want a big healthy boy coming home from the hospital and truthfully, I’m not sure caring for a fussy, pooping, burping, hungry baby is going to be any easier than being 37 weeks pregnant in the Oklahoma summer heat anyway. Last week, the weatherman used this phrase, one I’d never heard before, to describe the day’s forecast: “Lava-like temperatures”, which apparently is 115 degrees. A friend made a joke about it melting the sidewalk, to which I replied with a link to the news story about the pavement buckling on one of the major roads. It’s flipping hot here! Most nights, at bedtime it’s still over 100 degrees. Thank God it’s downhill from here. Once Baby Fromage is born, I’ll cool off tremendously (I hope!) and everyone keeps telling us that the hottest time of year here is the last 2 weeks of July and first week of August. Hope they’re all right and the mercury drops a little soon. On the bright side, it’s been fantastic weather for making sun tea.

Three weeks ‘til D-Day – assuming he’s a due date baby (which few are). Never has a Fromage been accused of being on time, much less early, so bets are on that he’s going to be late, but a gut feeling tells me he’s going to surprise us all and join the party before August 29. We’ll see! Shortly after our new addition arrives, we’re off to Mississippi; less than 3 months from now CPT Fromage reports for his new job there; hooray for another move /sarcasm. Lots of big changes coming up for our little (growing!) family, all happening fast! I should be getting prepared, but all I really want right now is a nap.

Cambridge or Bust!

We haven’t ordered new address labels just yet, but our hopes and hearts are set on 2 years in Massachusetts. CPT Fromage is applying for the Harvard MBA program and the goal is to start in the fall of 2013. I have full confidence he’ll be accepted! Behind the curve? You bet. Rushed? Yes, yes we are. Panicking? Yep, a little. Excited? H3LL yeah we are!

The timing couldn’t be more… wonderful… as we’re only about 6 weeks away from the most hectic time of our lives (Though, nothing could take away from how excited we are to bring Baby Fromage home from the hospital!). Prepping for the GMAT, the application process for an Ivy League school, trying to lock in where we'll be until we make the transition and rearranging our finances so we can live on about half of our current income for 24 months seems overwhelming on its own, but coupled with a brand new baby, it’s really going to suck. (Though I’m sure Baby Fromage will try to be helpful and wake his dad up throughout the night so he can get up and study. What a thoughtful baby he will be!)

While it’s going to be a challenge to make it happen, it’s also doable. Living on student loans makes me nervous, but based on others’ experiences, we should make it just fine and come out with a manageable amount of debt (though, it’s still going to be a lot). At the end of the day having a happy family, unseparated by war, a husband who’s happy at what he’s doing and can be a dad to his kids’ from home instead of via Skype is worth pinching pennies, tightening our belts and taking on some debt. The saying “Some people are so poor, all they have is money” comes to mind.

Right now, in addition to being totally stoked, we’re also pretty overwhelmed. Every time we think we’ve solved one issue, 10 more pop up in its place. Not to mention that CPT Fromage isn’t actually out of the Army just yet, they can still make things hard for us until he’s out from under their thumb – assuming they let him leave at all (but things look good... for now!). We’re bracing ourselves for whatever happens to mess up our plans (as things certainly will). Things are a little stressful and I’m sure they’ll continue to be until we get out feet on the ground in Boston and make it through the first few months. Thankfully, we’ve just about mastered the skill of taking turns being the rational, calm one and the partner who’s having a breakdown. We rotate every few days to keep it interesting. :)

The coming months will likely be full of excitement and disappointments, huge steps forward and as many backward, and lots of readjusting to make things happen. But we’re so excited to change direction; we’ve just got to brace ourselves since we’re doing it at full speed!

Warning: Sharp Turns Ahead

Things have been a little crazy around here lately. Actually, that’s an understatement; it’s more like, upside-down, backwards and inside out all at once!

After lots of discussion and careful consideration, CPT Fromage has made a big decision, one I’m super excited to get behind…

He’s getting out of the Army!

(that is, he's submitting the packet and we're crossing our fingers and praying it gets approved. This isn't the real world, so he can't really quit at will. It's unlikley that they'll prevent him from leaving, but it's not beyond realm of possibility that they'll decline him.)

Neither of us has enjoyed this lifestyle and he’s been more disappointed with his job every day, but until recently the plan had been for him to stay in for 8 years in order to give things a chance in his new branch. What changed?

First of all, the more (soon to be former!) CPT Fromage learns about things in his new branch the more he’s been disappointed. It’s really not going to be much better than the situation he’s coming out of, and in all likelihood even if he doesn’t hate it he won’t like it enough to make a career out of it (And if you don’t stay in the Army for 20 years, you might as well have not stayed in at all… no benefits if you get out a day before two decades). Why spend 3 more years doing something he hates if it’s not going to take him anywhere (except on another few deployments!)? Might as well jump ship now, there’s nothing in it for us by delaying the inevitable.

Next, job prospects are less promising the longer he stays in. Again, since he’s not planning to make a career out of military work (he doesn’t even have a desire to get on with the FBI, CIA, etc, where top secret security clearance, etc, would be appreciated), he’s not gaining any skills that will transfer into “the real world”, putting him 8 years behind his peers who are also competing for jobs. Sadly, the fact that he’s a West Point graduate with military leadership experience won’t offer much of a push when it comes to seeking employment later (outside of government or police type work). Once again, it looks like it's going to be best to get off this path now and start down one that’s going to be more productive for us.

Then there’s the obvious: deployment, time away from home, lack of stability and all of the other disadvantages to serving in the Army. With Baby Fromage due next month, the idea of those things sounds even less appealing than it did before. It’s a sucky lifestyle, and it only gets worse as we go.

There are some personal opinions and feelings about the military, and Army in particular, that came into play, but it’s not really my place to broadcast CPT Fromage’s feelings about that here and now.

So what’s next for our family (Hard to belive that in less than 7 weeks until we grow our household by 1!)? I’ll tell you in my next post!