Monday, February 14, 2011

Anti Love Letters

I know, I know, it’s Valentines day, the day of love and hearts and chocolate, but I thought I’d take a different approach, let my bitterness out and write some letters to those I don’t love…

Dear Fellow Drivers,

F you all. Use your blinkers, for God’s sake! Go the speed limit and pick one lane, you can’t just drive down the middle. I’m glad you seem to be out for a leisurely road trip, but some of us have places to be and you’re making us late. Go to H3LL (Except little old men. They are exempt)

Lots of love,

Lady Fromage

Dear People of Walmart,

True, Walmart is not the classiest place eva, but put on some real clothes and get off your phone. I don’t need to see your crack and hear all about your hookup while I’m buying eggs, kay? Also, this is not a playground, keep your freakin’ spawn under control.


Lady Fromage

To The Popular Kids in High School,

Ha! Maybe you were a big fish in a little pond then, but now you’re married to a guy named after an ice cream, had your wedding in horse SH!T and got fat. Me? I’m doing great and happy in my 4 bedroom house with my successful husband. Who’s the cool kid now, bee-aches?

Lots of love!

Lady Fromage


  1. There you have it. Be on note, world. LF is locked and loaded and ready for LOVE...(I whole-heartedly agree with everything...)

  2. You know. Wal*Mart is just like a completely different planet now. I can't even go in there anymore because I come out with a migraine and a desperate need for a cocktail. If it isn't people acting like freaks, it's people hoping to capture the freaks so we can all remember them for posterity on the internet.

    Embrace Target, LF. The Bulls Eye is your friend.

  3. I also hate when people answer their cell phones in traffic and slow down. Umm, if you cannot maintain speed, pull over.

    Walmart, too, brings out my nervous twitch. I loathe that place. The Walmart near me? Ghetto. And I lurve Target, but there isn't a Super Target near me anywhere. The nearest one is in another state!

    Yea, I was sOo not popular. But I got a freakin' awesome husband, zero debt (we paid off our mortgage last year), and a well paying job with lots of flexible time and paid time off. So yea, I'm hot to trot.


Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked. But it's not like this, compulsive, need, to be liked. Like my need to be praised. - Michael Scott, "The Office"

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