As Seen On TV!

I am such a sucker for advertising. Put an enthusiastic actor on a commercial and I’m in; I’ll buy whatever it is you’re trying to sell. Even as a child I was easily influenced; my mom likes to tell the story of 4 year old Lady Fromage watching her do the dishes and offering this advice: “Mom, you should buy Dawn, because Dawn takes grease out of your way!”

I was obsessed with an expensive knife set for a while in high school. Not because I was an avid cook at the time, but if the occasion ever presented itself and I needed to throw a pineapple and slice it midair, I knew would be able to make that cut because I saw it done by a man who truly seemed to believe those knives were the best thing known to mankind. (Thank God I didn’t have the money to buy those… Though I did, honestly, dream of them for some time…)

Most recently, I’m in awe of a washing machine that is advertized to wash up to 34 towels at a time! How I am getting by with our measly machine? Oh, right, that’s how, because we don’t even OWN 34 towels. But if we did, I could wash them all at once. I’m still trying to reason why I would have 34 dirty bath towels at any given time, but it would be nice to know they could all make it into one load. I suppose I could just buy a Sham Wow! and then I’d only ever need one towel, or so they tell me.

Some things really are as awesome as they seem on TV. Like the Vidalia Chop Wizard (As badly as I wanted those knives, you’d think I actually like chopping but I hate it. I love my Chop Wizard!). I’m also pretty crazy about my new Hoover Floormate, which absolutely does out clean the Swiffer Wet Jet. Sadly, I don’t reserve those “must buy. NOW!” feelings for only the good products, nope, I want them all. The Bacon Wave, which promises easy bacon’ makin’, a must for a vegetarian like myself; or I could order the Listen Up, so I could easily hear the television while my partner sleeps, or I could eavesdrop on others while at the park. Maybe I’ll order that nifty Fish Pen, so I can fish anytime, anywhere! No, I’ve never actually fished before, but if the urge ever overtakes me, I should be ready!

So, folks, if you’re trying to make some extra money, sit me down for 30 seconds or half an hour, get excited about whatever piece of crap it is you’re trying to peddle and I’ll be whipping out the checkbook before you can say “Please allow 6-8 weeks for shipping and handling”! Whatever it is, it can end up in the pile with my microwave rice cooker, Hydroxycut and Bump It!s…. At least I haven’t bought a Snuggie… yet….