Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Warning: Should not be left unsupervised

When I was single, I was a capable, functional adult, I did pretty okay. But now I’m married and I’m used to having a partner around to do things with. You know how they say “If you don’t use it, you lose it,” well I seem to have “lost it” because now, when hubby’s gone (lately, more often than not) I erm, this is embarrassing, I sometimes forget what to do.

For instance, the other night after mowing the lawn (Which should have been done at least 2 days earlier), I immediately changed into gym shorts and a baggy t-shirt with a cherry popcicle stain, made my way downstairs and plopped onto the sofa. How long I lounged there I couldn’t say. At some point I turned the lap top on and tuned the television to MTV to watch at least 2 hours worth of Teen Mom. When hubby called just before 9, he asked what I had eaten.

This is an important question because when I don’t eat, I get grumpy; hubby keeps tabs to avoid hostile situations.

I told him I hadn’t eaten anything for breakfast, but made a peanut butter and jelly at lunch. Oh yeah, and a popcicle. The stain reminded me. I did have one of those earlier.No, I’d really had nothing for supper.

After crying on the phone about how sucky it is that he’s gone all the time (This is why hubby likes me better when I eat…), I pulled it together and made myself a delicious meal consisting of a bowl of strawberries with Splenda and a few cheese curds (From our trip to The Cheese Store). I also had about a half bottle of Wal-Mart wine, which has something like 80% alcohol content. I was feeling pretty good until I decided to partake in a favorite hobby – facebook stalking.

Note: Even though it may seem like a good idea to facebook stalk your hubby’s MODEL ex-girlfriend, you will only feel terrible later. Especially if 2 weeks ago a group of boys indicated that you look like a cow… Just saying, it’s something to think about for next time…

Before I mustered the enthusiasm to brush my teeth and wash the mascara tears from my face, I fell asleep on the couch watching an episode of The Office. About 4am I woke up and dragged myself to the bathroom to clean up before crawling in bed for another 2 hours. Bleh.

Thankfully, this stage only lasts a few days, a week at most. Soon I’ll be functioning like a normal adult, practicing good hygiene and sleeping in my “big girl bed” again. Until then, I’m thankful for a job that forces me to shower and dress every day, because otherwise, it’s not outside the realm of possibility that I could be in the same pajamas for 3 straight days, eating nothing but popsicles until this phase passes.

Readers: I will not wear pajamas for 3 days straight, I will shower at least once every 24 hours and finally, I promise to refrain from looking at the ex’s modeling shots, especially when I’m drunk on Wal-Mart wine.

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Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked. But it's not like this, compulsive, need, to be liked. Like my need to be praised. - Michael Scott, "The Office"

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