I’m not sure which is suckier, the emergency room or my primary care provider. Probably the latter.
First no one would pick up the phone, then when I tried the other, “secret number “, I was put on hold for 15 minutes before I hung up. On my third try, my call was picked up but the gal was too busy talking to the employee next to her to actually answer my call (but now I know all about how her date went…).
When I finally got through, this is how the conversation went:
“How can I help you?”
(Wanted to say “duh….This is the “Make An Appointment” line, right?” but what I actually said was…)
“I need to make an appointment with Dr. So-and-So for tomorrow please.”
“Okay… we can get you in on Thursday at 10.”
(Ooook. Tomorrow isn’t Thursday. Let’s try again…)
“Ok, well, can I see someone else then? I need to get in tomorrow.”
“We aren’t making appointments for tomorrow. If you want to come in tomorrow, you’ll need to call tomorrow.”
(Someone needs to explain the purpose of making an appointment)
“Ok. I don’t understand. Do you have any appointments with anyone tomorrow? Anyone?”
“We aren’t making appointments today for tomorrow. We’re only scheduling acute appointments* for tomorrow today.”
*(“Acute appointment” – code word. Even if they’re booked solid for weeks, just say this phrase and you’ll get in faster than you can drive there!)
“Ok. Can I have an acute appointment please? For tomorrow? I don’t even care who with.”
(I almost offered my first born child, but stopped myself because I may need that bargaining tool later)
“Ok, let’s see… I can get you in with Dr. So-and-So at 1, will that work?”
My original choice of doctor? On the day I wanted? Even the time I preferred? Can it be true? What’s the catch…
“Ok, well we have you down for 1pm with Dr. So-and-So, we’ll see you then. Just be sure to watch your phone in case we have to cancel or reschedule you since it might snow tomorrow and we may delay everything, or he may not even come in… Thanks have a great day. Click.”
FML. Everyone still want government run healthcare?