Cheese Orgasm

That’s the only way I can describe today. For today only, calories don’t count, just remind me to tell the scale about this tomorrow. Hy-Vee just upgraded their cheese department and HOLY COW! I spent about 45 minutes sifting through wedges, looking for the perfect pieces to take home and try. This afternoon was spent lounging on the sofa with 6 different picks, which I had to share with our oldest cat, Garrett (who is also a cheese lover, he’s never turned down a sample, even eating blu and other pungent types!). Sadly, the goat’s milk gouda I bought was a bit of a letdown, as it was quite bitter. I’m not sure if that was the intended taste, or it’s gone a bit bad. I had a wonderful goat’s milk gouda in Denver last year, I can still taste it now… Best thing I’ve ever eaten! As I ate I poured over a book LT Fromage had sent to me last week, “Cheesemonger: A Life on the Wedge” by Goron Edgar (Who’s nickname, I love this, is “Gordonzola”! If I wasn’t already married… Just kidding. Sort of.) Awesome book! Thank you, LT Fromage!

Cheese and cows. Is there anything more one could want in life? Yes, country music.

(Front row for Eric Church at Country Stampede)

Although I could have done nothing else, I’ve been up to more than binging on cheese! Last weekend Country Stampede was back in town, which marks my 3^rd (and final! We won’t be in the Little Apple next summer) year attending. I didn’t make it out for the full 4 days this time around, but scored free tickets to the first and final days. I missed the Nitty Gritty Dirt band, but was able to see Eric Church, Sawyer Brown, Joey + Rory and Collin Raye. Eric Church was okay, but frankly reminded me more of a rock concert that country, and Joey + Rory were just alright. I like a fair amount of new country music, but my favorites will always be the artists I grew up listening to, so I was excited to see Collin Raye, and catch Sawyer Brown for a second time (they put on a great show, if you ever get the chance to see them, go!).

LT Fromage is missing out on good music and yummy cheese, among other things. I promise I’ll update what’s going on at some point, but right now everything is changing so often it feels pointless to even bother sharing. Although nothing is ever to be counted on in the Army, he is expecting to be told a return date in the next few weeks. I’ll believe it when I see it. Has it really been almost 5 months since he left? I hope the rest of this deployment goes as quickly!

How Much Longer 'til This Deployment is Over?

LT Fromage has been gone more than 4 months now. Sadly, he’s already lost a very good friend, among the soldiers he’s known that have been injured or given their lives.

When there is a death or injury, in order to make sure the families are the first to be notified, the soldiers are put on “blackout”, which means all forms of communication are cut off.

Blackouts suck. I hate not hearing from LT Fromage for days, and it’s heartbreaking to know why he hasn’t been able to get in touch. The first few times it happened, I was a wreck. I kept waiting for that car to pull up in my driveway, coming to tell me I’d lost my husband. Of course, that hasn’t happened (and I pray it never does), and as time goes on, I’ve learned to worry less.

Before you start hating on me, remember that letting go is really the only thing I can do. Being in a constant state of fear doesn’t help anybody, and it’s rather depressing. It’s a harsh reality that he may not come home, and we’ve had to make sure things are in order, should that fate be ours, but I have faith in his abilities and even more faith in God. It’s always in the back of my mind, but dwelling on it doesn’t make him any safer.

LT Fromage has been on blackout for days, and this morning I got an email with the subject “Casualty Notification”.

Of course I knew this would not be the chosen way to notify the family of such news, but I had never received an email like this, I didn't even want to imagine what it said. My heart stopped, the hairs on my arms stood up and tears welled in my eyes. I had never felt so afraid in my entire life.

It was not my husband. I don’t know why, for the first time, they sent out a mass email to the families of the unit, but they did. While I breathed easier knowing LT Fromage is fine, my heart hurts for those not as lucky.

I know one man with short hair and combat boots looks just like the next (or, they do to me), but each one is eveything to somebody. Now they are called “casualties”, but before that they were known as fathers, sons, husbands, brothers, wives, daughters, mothers and friends. Please keep our them in your thoughts and prayers (especially the family who is suffering right now).

Cows and Baseball

Cows and Baseball: Two of my favorite things!

This weekend, I took an impromptu trip to Omaha, Nebraska with my friend KP to watch the College World Series! She’s an Aggie, so we were sporting maroon. A&M lost the game, but we had a great time.

Don’t be too jealous of my awesome panoramic camera, ok?

We stopped at a gas station and there was a giant cow in the roof of the neighboring building! I have my picture with 2 other huge cow satues, and I wasn't about to pass this one up! (Pardon the Army gear. I don’t normally sport the paraphernalia, but it was my “8 hours in the car” shirt)

One last picture, from last weekend

A local dairy brought a few cows out to the coffee shop, so of course, I had to go love on ‘em a little bit!

We Are Thousandaires

LT Fromage is still in the ‘stan. So much for him coming home all sorts of early. As of right now, the window of return is somewhere between September and February. Not much beyond that is clear either. Which classes he’ll attend, where and when haven’t yet been assigned. We’re in limbo right now, which totally sucks.

The one and only good thing about deployment is the money. Yup, LT Fromage is my sugar daddy.

I am proud to announce that as of Monday, we have no more credit card debt!

Thanks to the deployment money, a few checks we weren’t really expecting to see, the pending sale of my truck, and some serious penny pinching, we’ve been able to bulk up our savings, and even allot some money for a vacation!

The Fromages will be traveling to… get ready…

Bali!

I’ve literally been dreaming of Bali since reading “Eat, Pray, Love”, so I am crazy excited to make it a reality! Sort of one last hoorah, since once LT Fromage starts his new job he’ll be deploying every 6 months and shortly thereafter, we’ll have kids. Traveling will never be impossible, but it’ll be harder the longer we wait.

I’ve only wanted a few things in life,

So far I’ve crossed off –

Travel to AZ for the Colorado Rockies spring training – March 2008
Get married – September 19, 2009
Travel to Italy – September 21, 2009

In the works -

Travel to Bali (late 2011 or early 2012)
Have kids (fingers crossed for a baby belly in 2012!)

Leaving only -

Eat at Dogmatic in New York (I could kick myself… I’ve been to NY twice, yet never eaten here!)
Drive a tank (For $500, I can do that here… 27^th birthday present? Perhaps!)

And my ultimate goal…

Own a Holstein named Sir Loin

Yep. I dream big.

Reentering the Blogosphere

Dang, I’m no good at this blogging thing as of late! Anyone still out there reading? Hello…?

Not that I owe anyone an excuse, but here it is anyway. Basically just been trying to get my life back on track for the last 3 weeks or so. I haven’t posted about it before, because it’s rather embarrassing, but I have pretty severe anxiety. Like, enough so that it’s the reason I left my job. For the last 9 months or so I’ve been more actively battling with it, seeing a psychologist and psychiatrist and taking every medication available. Long story short, nothing’s really worked and thanks to all those meds with weight gain side effects, I found myself no better off and 50 pounds heavier than when I started all this. Soooo… yeah…. Every post I drafted over the last month was basically “I hate my body, it’s covered with stretch marks and I’m so anxious I won’t leave the house unless there’s alcohol involved” So, I just didn’t post at all. There you go.

But here I am again, posting, so you know my story turns around….

LT Fromage sorta pulled me out of the hole I was in, did some research, ordered me a great book and I went to see a Cognitive Behaviorial Therapist. My old therapist’s approach was to find something to blame my anxiety on, not to fix it, whereas the CBT approach isn’t “talk therapy” it’s focused on learning to cope and change your way of thinking. I’m not crazy about the therapist, but the book has enough info and exeresis that I’m confident I can take this on without her help (Triumph Over Shyness, The Anxiety & Phobia Workbook and When Panic Attacks, in case anyone is wondering). I’m also getting off of all of the meds. I have about a week left in the “tapering off” stage, which makes me super happy. I didn’t want to take the drug route in the first place, so the dozen + pills I’ve been on made me kinda upset. I’m also PI$$ED about the 50 pounds! (Not that I have a problem with people taking meds for any reason, I just didn’t want them)

So yeah… Everything isn’t all better, but I feel like I’m on the upswing anyway. And, inspired by Busy Bee Lauren, I’ve started a raw food diet, which I’ll talk about some other time. Just hop on over to her blog if you’re wondering what that is. It’s supposed to A) Help your anxiety/depression and B) Help you lose weight… If it only brought husbands home from war, it would fix all of my problems! (I’ll save that for another day, too)

Dang. Long post, sorry. Just making up for the last month! :)