Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Social Etiquette

Country Stampede was freakin’ amazing. Besides the performers, I was also interested in the social etiquette I observed while we were there…

1. Attire

I get it, it’s hot out. 90 – 100 degrees, and the humidity sucks. I was hot, too, but let’s talk for a minute about appropriate wardrobe choices. Just because it’s hot doesn’t mean you can wear a teenie-tiny bikini with nothing but cowboy boots. For one thing, those boots have got to be hot, sandals may keep your tootsies cooler, and we’re not near the water, I know you’re not planning to get wet, so let’s put something else on, shall we?

While we’re at it: Bikini-top with shorts is closer to being dressed, but still not appropriate unless you’re near a body of water. (And what’s with leaving those shorts unbuttoned, or rolling the hem over, anyway?)

I hadn’t seen this one before last weekend but a t-shirt, bikini-bottom and cowboy boots does not make up a complete outfit. You don’t look sexy; you just look like you forgot your pants.

Now that we’ve covered swimwear, let’s talk about dressing appropriately for your age.

If you are old enough to drive, smoke, drink or vote, please don’t wear a plaid mini skirt, or any mini skirt for that matter. Leave the body glitter in your daughter’s play-make up alone. Please be advised this is not Mardi gras, so please takes the beads off, especially if they have a plastic replica of a male or female body part attached to them. That’s just gross, where do you even find something like that?

Finally, I’d like to address the young woman in the bikini-top, jean shorts and cowboy boots…

Sharpieing “Insert here” with an arrow pointing down your crack is trashy. You look like a tramp.

2. Personal Conduct

This is a fun, outdoor, all day event, thus, the rules surrounding alcohol consumption are more relaxed... It’s ok to have a beer at 2 in the afternoon. It’s not so ok to drink a whole case before lunch.

The porta-potties may be gross, but you can’t just pull down your shorts and squat to pee wherever you want to. This means you, girl in front of us who just moved her folding chair to the side and asked us not to watch… Ew.

Keep your hands to yourself. You may be drunk, but not all of us are and I don’t appreciate you grabbing my hubby, or smacking my A$$ as we walk by. (I can’t blame you, though, I’d want to grab him, too, and I do have a mighty fine derriere…) As a reminder, basic rules of no pushing or shoving still apply, too.

Thanks for your cooperation, folks! We’ll see you next year!

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