Sunday, March 4, 2012

Sawing Logs

First of all, thanks for the congrats! It’s nice to know I’ve still got a few readers out there!

Now, on to today's post…

I have one super-sexy quality: I snore. Don’t hate, not everyone can be this awesome.
I’ve always been a snorer, my younger sister used to claim I’d kept her up at night in our shared room. Later in life, roommates would pick on my loud Zs. But apparently, according to CPT Fromage, I “never used to snore before we got married” I tell him I just kept a lid on it long enough to snag him, but he’s trapped now, so let the fun resume! The snores are back in full force these days, sometimes so loud and violent (can snores be violent?) that I wake myself up!

In some instances, my snoring can be more embarrassing than others… Like when I let ‘em rip at the couples’ massage CPT Fromage and I treated ourselves to for Valentine’s Day. Look, rub my feet and calves and I’m out. I can’t help it!

Don’t worry too much for CPT Fromage because I am not only a super-sexy-snoring wife, but also a super thoughtful one, so I spend a lot of money on Breathe Right Strips. These things make me even sexier (can it be so?), even though they don’t totally eliminate my sound of sleep. I know that when my gentle snores wake CPT Fromage in the dead of night, he must roll over and gaze lovingly upon his resting wife… My hair a mess, raccoon eyes from unremoved eyeliner and a plastic strip across my nose; I know what he’s thinking: “I’m one lucky guy”. Or maybe he’s contemplating smothering me with a pillow, who knows.

Sometimes my snoring is a good weapon to have in my arsenal. When CPT Fromage and I have a lover’s quarrel near bedtime I have this up my sleeve…

“Yeah, well, I’m going to take off my Breathe Right Strip tonight!”

Although it would probably be more effective if I wasn’t shouting it from downstairs on the couch.


  1. Just tell your husband to take Tylenol PM at night, he won't hear a thing!

  2. *throws confetti*

    You're BACK!


Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked. But it's not like this, compulsive, need, to be liked. Like my need to be praised. - Michael Scott, "The Office"

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