Active Imagination

Growing up, I had an imaginary friend; he was a horse named Acorn (But not the Black Stallion kind, more like a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. He walked on two legs; the back ones of course, wore clothes and could talk, even though no one but me ever heard him). Actually, Acorn had a whole family which mirrored mine (except he was a boy with a brother, and I a little girl with a sister), they even adopted another imaginary horse at exactly the same time my family adopted a little girl! Hm. Coincidence?

Acorn and his family must have moved somewhere along the line, or stayed behind when my family packed up. I’m not sure where Acorn is now, but I hope he finds himself doing well; perhaps even settled down with a nice imaginary female version of himself raising little imaginary foals.

I count myself lucky for having such an active imagination. Creativity, being left brained, whatever it is, most of the time it’s pretty cool. Except when I’m trying to sleep.

“Count sheep” everyone tells you. Ah, well, would if I could, but I can’t. Those darn sheep take on a life of their own you see.

Sheep number one, wearing a blue blanket with a big yellow numeral prances in, easily hops the fence.

(Why on earth am I keeping my sheep in a pasture with a fence they can so easily jump? I should do something about that… Maybe if I wasn’t so busy sewing all of their numbered vests…)

Sheep numbers 2 through, oh, about 7, are all well calm and relaxing, leisurely bouncing over my wooden boundary. But then it gets a little out of control. By the time we are in the double digits, too many sheep have decided to jump at once and I’m having a difficult time keeping up. Somewhere in the teens, someone always misses the jump and then a real chaos begins as he’s trampled by a flock of rushing sheep. Everyone is out of order, of course. “Get up, number 17! Hurry! Wait, 14, 22, 37 and 41 just went by, but how many have actually escaped now? Oh dear!”

I’ve given up on counting sheep. Know what else helps you sleep? Over the counter pills. No livestock involved.

There are Always Consequences

(Photo credits not mine. D@MN I forgot to bring my camera. You get the idea…)

Last night we had to make a quick wal-mart run. Yeah. We shop at wal-mart. Don’t bother trying to tell me why it’s wrong, and I already know it’s kind of white trash, but I’m all about saving a few bucks. So sue me. No, really, don’t. Please. I haven’t saved enough bucks to make it worth your time, I promise!

Anyway.

LT Fromage and I were both in sort of silly moods. This is actually normal for us, so I’m not sure why I feel the need to mention it. The crazies were probably intensified just a little by the beer he had at supper, and the glass (er, 3) of wine I had before we left.

*easily distracted this morning. bear with me*

LT Fromage insisted on pushing the cart. Usually I like to push, but he got it first (wrestled it away from me). Near the end of our list, we passed by the electronics department where LT Fromage began grazing the displays with our cart. Why? “Because I can’t do it in the car! Here there are no consequences!”

He hadn’t even finished his statement when he totally plowed over a printer and ink display!

Which I’m saddened to see doesn’t seem as funny in type as it did when it happened. But trust me, it was uh-mazing!

We laughed like kids while we scrambled to reassemble the stuff we knocked down before this overweight, waaaaay to serious wal-mart employee comes running (well, as fast as he could run. More like a brisk walk) “Is everyone ok?!” LT Fromage assured him we were fine, I was too busy laughing like a hyena to answer. “Are you sure? Do we need to file a report?”

Do tell, what would that report say?

“We were sideswiped by a gray cart, we didn’t get a plate number but it appeared
to be a male driving. They pushed us into this display and then fled the scene.
No medical assistance was necessary at the time. No property damage was
sustained (we put it all back… wrong, I’m sure, but we tried) and the cart seems
to be running fine, despite the accident”

I guess you had to be there.

Ah, I love being married.

Duct Tape, Pork Chops and other Nifty Things

So I realize that the last few posts have been about childhood toys, cartoon characters and reality televesion. Next thing you know, I’ll be blogging about Justin Beiber. Just kidding. I won’t go that far.

But I do owe you a grown up post, filled with useful information and nifty things you can take away with you (because I’m not all-that enough to do give aways just yet).

Here you go, some free advice. Things I’ve learned and will now pass on to you, loyal readers. Now don’t say I never gave you anything!

Duct tape works well to patch pants from the inside when they begin thinning from your fat thighs rubbing together. Be aware, though, that it will soon begin sticking to said fat thighs, which is quite uncomfortable, and will need to be gently tugged away from the skin, which can be awkward in social settings. Another layer of duct tape fixes this problem, but not for long. Lesson learned: This is not a permanent solution. Buy some new jeans, thunder thighs.

I can substitute vinegar for the cleaner in my Hoover Floor Mate. It’s way cheaper and works just as well, if not better. Plus it’s green, which I feel good saying. Since I don’t actually do many “green things” It is my favorite color though, so that should count for something.

A mixture of half Red Wine Vinegar and half White Wine Vinegar can be used in place of Apple Cider Vinegar when cooking. I don’t know how it would do in the Hoover though.

Pork Chops are a very good substitute for steak, and much less expensive; even than a less than stellar cut of beef. This sounds good to me, because A) I like to save money, and B) I don’t care as much for pigs as I do cows, and will likely feel less terrible about serving them on a plate. I made some piggies for LT Fromage last week and he loved them. (Mouth watering yet? Here you go!)

Apple Ginger Pork Chops
Recipe courtesy Guy Fieri (Who totally rocks)

Ingredients
4 pork chops, double cut, center cut, bone in
1/4 cup apple cider vinegar
2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
2 teaspoons minced ginger
1 teaspoon minced garlic
2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon pepper
1/4 cup white wine
1 cup sliced (1/4-inch) yellow onions
2 cups cored and sliced (1/4-inch) Granny Smith apples
1/2 cup raisins
2 tablespoons butter

Directions
In a resealable plastic bag, add the chops, apple cider vinegar, 1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil, ginger, garlic, lemon juice, salt and pepper. Marinate for 30 minutes

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.

In a large saute pan heat 1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil to almost smoking, then add pork chops, shaking off excess marinade. Brown on both sides, then place on a sheet pan and put in the oven for 20 minutes or until internal temperature reaches 135 degrees F.

In the same saute pan deglaze with wine then add onions, apples and raisins and cook until apples are soft and onions are translucent. Add butter salt and pepper, to taste, and keep warm.
Remove chops from oven and add to the apple mixture. Serve hot.

Notes From Lady Fromage:

I didn’t buy bone in chops; I couldn’t find them so I got a thick cut instead.

I subbed my above mixture for the Apple Cider Vinegar because I didn’t have any.

Also, who has fresh ginger around? I used powdered instead, but not as much obviously. Those would have been some gingery pieces of pork!

I didn’t have raisins so I used dried dates (Why we have those and not raisins I don’t know…).

I used Lime Juice because we didn’t have any lemons. A citrus is a citrus.

I clearly need to restock my kitchen. Now we don't even have anymore dried dates.

Lastly, I marinated for more like 12 hours, because how can 30 minutes do anything?

Lite-Brite, Lite-Brite, Turn on the magical shining light!

Last week LT Fromage and I took a beginners pistol class. LT Fromage was kind enough to tell me when we arranged it “I’m sure there are things I can learn,” but of course there weren’t. I think he may have actually outshot the instructor, but I had a good time and discovered that I am actually a better one handed shooter than I am when I use both hands. Who knew? Anyway, I got to wear my pink earmuffs, shoot some paper plates and see some cows in the adjacent field and all in all we had a fun day out.

But what does this have to do with a lite-brite? (I know you’re thinking “Where the eff is she going with this story?”)

We had a mega long lunch break, and after we hit up our favorite burger place we still had an hour before class resumed. During that time LT Fromage got a hair cut while I bought yet another pair of sunglasses (our German shepherd keeps eating them) and a cow pen that moos when you push on his head.

So far, there were already multiple high points of this day:

1. Sharing a mid-week day off with LT Fromage. Extra fun because we were shooting

2. The NRA teacher was named Myron Calhoun, which is pretty much a FREAKIN’ AWESOME NAME, right? And he was totally this cute little old man with a big old stocking cap! He even wore a huge name tag, even though we were the only 2 people in his class. Too cute! I have a thing for little old men. We’ll talk about that another time.

3. Lunch at So Long, which included fried pickles and a green chili “burger” with onion rings

4. The above mentioned cow pen. Which totally makes me look like a 6 year old but who gives a D@MN (Using bad words helps me not feel like a kid. Kids can't sware.) Also I got a pink cow eraser. Score!

On our way back to class after the eternal lunch break, we stopped at this funky second hand shop. There it was: The lite-brite. (I told you it was coming)

Pretty much the coolest toy ever. Except maybe Little People. I have a deep rooted love for those, too.

I went a little crazy when I saw it. Ok, more than a little. I may have caused a bit of a scene. But, c’mon, it’s a lite-brite! Who doesn’t remember this from their childhood? I’ll tell you who. LT Fromage.

Boy, he missed out!

I probably should have bought it (It was only ten bucks!) so he could try it out; that is, if I could share it long enough for him to have a turn.

So if you’re in the mood for some lite-brite fun now, because I sure am, I found a website where you can play lite-brite for free. It's not quite the same, but at least it means I won’t be digging those little pegs out of sofa cushions.

If you’ve got an urge for Little People now, well, you’re on your own.