You And Me Baby Ain’t Nothing But Mammals

(not my photo... it is likley that there was in fact, a bridal keg stand earlier in the evening)

A few things:

1. I’ve been stood up for girl-dates twice in one week. Which basically sucks.

2. I’ve also been asked to dance twice, at the only 2 bars I’ve been to. Which hasn’t happened, erm, ever. (Flattering though!)

3. Where I’m going with this post: I am too old for house parties.

I suppose I’d never actually been to a “house party”. I guess when I thought of the term, it brought to mind situations where very few in the group were actually old enough to buy alcohol, thus bought lots of cheap canned beer and invited all of their under-age friends over to listen to music and drink crappy booze.

Last weekend, after I got stood up... the second time... (Please note: I waited 2 freakin’ hours for this girl, who then cast me as the bee-ach when I asked if she wanted to hang out or just cancel. Real cool, but whateves) Vagina Girl invited me out to a house party to cheer me up.

Things wrong with this scenario:

1. My friend is blog-named Vagina Girl. And she earned this tittle.

2. Vagina Girl and I have both been able to purchase alcohol for some time, thus should never have to find ourselves in a situation where there is canned beer and mixed drinks in slurpee cups.

3. Vagina Girl and I both wore hooded sweaters…. (erm… “hoodies”. Sorry. LT Fromage and mom have been trying to teach me the proper term for some time now. Hoodies. Not hooded sweaters. Anyway….) We were very under dressed because there was a girl there in, I kid you not, her Wedding Gown.

Apparently, The Bride had just come from, surprise!, her wedding. The groom was there too, along with some of the attendants. (Note: This was NOT a reception. It was, in fact, a mere house party) Want to know where they got married just hours before? A bar. Yes. So I guess going from the reception to a house party wasn’t too weird for them. It was weird for me though. I’m not sure I’ll ever forget the image of a done-up, brand new bride chugging a can of Bud Light in a koozy while we danced to favorites like “Ain’t Nothing But Mammals” (You know the song… “So let’s do it like they do on the discovery channel”) in someone’s crappy living room plastered with posters of varieties of Shots and sex positions.

Vagina Girl and I sat in folding chairs at the beer pong table in the kitchen, made that face, you know, the one that says “What the F#(K are we doing here?” and said our goodbys to the guests, including the now-quite-drunk-on-cheap-beer happy couple. We thought about watching a movie after we left, but as it was close to midnight, it was far past both of our bedtimes.

26 years old is less than 8 weeks away, no more house parties for me. I think I’ll stick to my knitting and Game Show Network from now on. Let’s admit though, that it makes for much better fodder than my latest Angry Birds high score.

Date 1: Vagina Girl

Yes, Vagina Girl. I’ll explain shortly.

Vagina Girl and I decided to meet up and watch Red Riding Hood, a movie we both wanted to see. The day of our “date” I checked, and wouldn’t you know it, out theater had stopped running the movie. I texted Vagina Girl to see if she wanted to see something else, maybe get supper instead, go out for drinks… She never replied, which hurt my feelings, because, frankly, everything hurts my feelings.

About a half hour before we were supposed to meet at the theater and I still hadn’t heard from her, so I decided to salvage my night and go hang out with my bestie and some of her friends. On my way over, Vagina Girl texted me to say sorry, she left her phone at home and we should grab dinner and drinks instead of a movie. I hung out with my bestie for a while, and then Vagina Girl and I met for dinner at the place her boyfriend works. We had a good time, talking about our guys, hobbies, music, movies… We left dinner and went for drinks where the conversation turned to ex-lovers, which is always a fun topic because, c’mon, who doesn’t like to bash their lousy boyfriends, right? (The difference between girl dating and boy dating: Not ok to talk about exes on a boy date, perfectly good conversation on a girl date)

As we all know, too much alcohol leads to TMI, where I learned that Vagina Girl has her, uhm, girly parts, posted on an adult website, and IS OFTEN RECOGNIZED IN PUBLIC. Yes. True story. I wasn’t sure what to say to that, because that was not a something we shared. When she said, “I love Garth Brooks” I was able to enthusiastically say, “Me too!”. When she said, “I’ve had people say, aren’t you Vagina Girl? I thought I recognized your va-jay-jay” I had no response. What was I supposed to say? “Cool”? or “You must have very memorable lady bits”? I stuck with, “Uh wow. That’s awkward.”

I didn’t drink enough alcohol to have a look at Vagina Girl’s bits and pieces, so I can't attest to their memorability, but Vagina Girl is a pretty cool girl, at least the parts of her I've seen....

The Dating Game

I’m an introvert, always have been and prolly always will be. Before LT Fromage came along, I had my own little routine and kept to it, my social life was minimal and I liked it that way. Then, a certain someone stole my heart and my keep-to-myself time stretched to allow a handsome man in. Nowadays, I have my wonderful husband, my close-knit family and a small handful of girlfriends (Even though it took me almost a year from the time we met to start hanging out with my bestie one-on-one!).

Know what’s weird? I thought, being the introvert I am, I thought I’d get along just fine for 12, what some would call lonely, months. Boy, was I wrong. Thank God for my girlfriends, who help keep me busy, and my wonderful mom is always just a phone call away, but it’s just not the same. It’s a strage conundrum, being a lonely introvert. Frankly, I just don’t understand it either, but that’s my story.

As wonderful as my girlfriends are, they do have lives of their own. School. Work. Kids. Hey, they can’t always be there. So what have I done for companionship in the down times? Considered a puppy. Nope. 3 dogs is just too many. Going back to work? Not a chance, I’ve still got a lot of taking-care-of-me to do first. Inviting my childhood imaginary friend, a horse named Acoron, back into the picture? No beuno, he’s much too quiet.

The final decision? "Girl dating". The more the merrier. Friends of friends, friends of friends of friends, nearly random girls with whom I initially have nothing more in common with than a shared taste for margaritas. The pool is big, I just have to jump in there and see who I can find.

It’s been a while since I’ve had to meet people on my own, most of my friends are due to LT Fromage and his married buddies. Oh, how I miss the days of grade school, when you were instantly friends with everyone your age, and there were so many of them. You had everything in common and it was all so… easy. Now I’m having to put myself out there. What if she doesn’t like me because I’m too shy? What if I don’t like her because she’s too pushy? What if we do like each other, can I call her? Will I look clingy? What if she doesn’t call me? Oh, my, how do all of you naturally social people do it!?

So, for lack of anything else to post about (because do you really want to hear that I swept up 2 dust pans of dog fur today? Ew. I didn’t think so), I’ll keep you posted on my “dating” life. Stay tuned!